


Bloody Valentine

by GenteelBlackHole (Seirenmachina)



Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Denial, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Fluff, Mutual Pining, Non canon ending, Not Canon Compliant, Slow Burn, Smut, Spoilers, Starcrossed Lovers, Streetkid V, canon to a point
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-15 03:48:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 25,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28557120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seirenmachina/pseuds/GenteelBlackHole
Summary: Moments along the main story followed by a deliciously non-canon alternate ending. Bulk of the story will be post game.
Relationships: Female V/River Ward, Johnny Silverhand/Female V
Comments: 25
Kudos: 133





	1. Queen of Pain

**Author's Note:**

> First chapter out! It’s my first AO3 fic so apologies if anything is tagged wrong, just lemme know. Hope you enjoy it! XX

“Fuck V, the cop? Again? You lickin’ boots now?” Johnny was always happy to make his opinion known, especially when he disapproved. V fingered the bottle of pills in her pocket, the omega blockers that Vik gave her. Always thought about shutting her guest up, but never touched them in the end. Something just felt wrong, even if she they were constantly at each other’s throats.  
“Former cop.” She corrected curtly.  
“Like that makes it any better. Pig just wants in your pants. First time he saw you he noticed your ass, woulda stared at it all night if there wasn’t biz to take care of.”  
V pulled onto the highway heading out of Night City, glad the see the towers in her rear view mirror as she headed for the trailer park.  
“You know Johnny, it’s okay to be jealous. But you’re a ghost and I’m not. It could never work between us.“ she kept her voice low, calm. Like she was staging an intervention. Until she was interrupted.  
“Not one more fucking word. Don’t wanna see you- feel you, fucking some corp-loyal cunt who gets paid to keep the rest of us in line. That’s that. So go fuck yourself with your therapising bullshit.” And with that the car was once again silent. 

These victories, if you could call them that were few and far between; both V and the Rockerboy being as stubborn as each other. The sound of silence was something V got little of these days, so she reminded herself to savour every second of it. Johnny was never truly gone though, more like on standby. Minimised like a window on the computer; done from view but always there in the background. She has been growing accustomed to his constant presence in her life, since she was saddled with the Rockerboy and in a way he was saddled with her all the same. Neither of them asked for this after all. At present V had better things to think about, like seeing River, Joss, and the kids. Her life didn’t revolve around Johnny Silverhand, he just got a front row ticket to the tragi-comedy of her life.  
As she pulled into the trailer park she could already hear Monique and Dorian playing, ‘Big trouble in Heywood’ of course. The tires ground to a halt on the dirt path and V stepped out the car. She didn’t bother locking it as she strolled up to the trailers. River had his back to her, labouring over some new culinary creation no doubt, and she soon found herself being accosted by the two kids. “V! Uncle River, V’s here!”  
The merc instinctively took a knee and held her arms out as the youngest two ran straight into them. “Hey guys, good seein’ you. How’s things?”  
“Great!” Monique answered first, upbeat as usual.  
“Uncle River is making Jambalaya again!” Dorian added.  
“Sounds good, your mom in the house?”  
“Uh-huh, she’s talking to the hospital” V smiled and ushered the kids off to play. If Joss was talking to the hospital she didn’t want to interrupt, so she set her sights upon River walking up to the range and taking in the smell of his cooking.  
“Hey, uh smells great. Can’t wait to have some soon.” For some reason she always treaded carefully with River, not wanting to say the wrong thing. Her natural charisma evaporated as soon as she got close to him. She wasn;t walking on eggshells per say, but he was different than the usual guys she was with. He was..well, nice.  
“Hey V, be with you in a sec. I just gotta prepare a couple more things. Stir for me while I finish up?” River, for all his faults, was a sweetheart though, and took it in stride. Or he didn’t notice. Either way, they were content with this so far. 

“Fucking hell, at least make it fun to watch.” A familiar voice came, slamming into her consciousness as Johnny materialised next to her. Cig in hand, leaning nonchalantly on the table. V rolled her eyes. “The fuck you want?”  
“For you to find your goddamn balls.” For Johnny this was hell in two levels, not least of all because he was kinda sorta on a date with a cop, playing happy families, and eating shit food. No, he hated seeing V turn into this shrinking violet in front of this prick. The merc he knew all too well just disappeared. It pissed him off royally.  
“Just wanna play this one by ear Johnny. Don’t wanna scare him off.”  
“Guy tackles gangs on the reg, he ain’t gonna be scared of a merc with a mouth.”  
“Just let me handle it, ‘Kay?” River’s back was still turned as she stirred the pot, so she shot Johnny a pleading glance, for all it was worth.  
“Jeez, fine. Enjoy bein’ alone.” He strode off to wherever he went when he dematerialised in front of V. V stayed silent as she stirred the pot. Alone. Sometimes she thought Johnny didn;t realise how much his words could hurt and those words stung more than she wanted to admit. River wasn’t like the guys in her past; the assholes. She wanted this to work, in spite of all that was going on in her life right now. If she could survive this, they could have something together. Not that Johnny would understand. Blah blah Mikoshi blah blah fuck ‘Saka. God, why was she even thinking about Johnny right now? He didn’t matter! He wasn’t even real. Just put it out of your head. Put HIM out of your head. He definitely knew what he was saying. 

“You okay baby?”  
V looked up with a start, River’s voice smashing through the train of thoughts. “Wha-?” She sounded like she’d just woken up, then again it was easy to get wrapped up in her thoughts these days.  
“Didn’t take you for a day dreamer. Something on your mind?” It was sweet seeing him, anyone really, worry about her. Johnny just told her to suck it up, and nobody else cared unless it was interrupting biz. Well, that was a lie. Misty, Mama Welles, hell, even Vik treated her like a daughter. But she didn’t want to worry any of them.  
“Nah, just thinking about biz. How’s Randy doing?” Rover shot her a pointed look; he wasn’t buying what she was selling, but he also wasn’t about to pry into her personal life. Good. Probably for the best.  
“He’s getting better and better, probably be out in a few weeks. Imagine he’d like to thank you in person. Y’know since you saved his life and all.”  
V chuckled, and didn’t meet his eyes. A few weeks felt like a lifetime awayk, and she didn’t want to make commitments when she might not even be here.  
“Yeah, I’m happy to. Should make a day of it...maybe we could-“  
“HEEEY! YOU FORGOT THE RICE!”  
V breathed an internal sigh of relief as Joss walked up, flailing a box of rice in the air dramatically. She was doing much better since V’s first visit, and with River home for the time being. She looked good when she wasn’t drowning in being a single mom the three kids, and her sense of humour had come back swinging. Joss bounded the last few steps and deposited the rice in the pot.  
“Finally! Some nice ass to look at.” Johnny materialised behind Joss, a cocky smirk plastered across his face, and his eyes no doubt trained on her backside.  
“Hey, she’s more than a piece of ass.” She shot back.  
“True, got nice warm cunt, and a decent lookin’ mouth too.”

The rest of the evening was as lovely as it had been the first time V stayed over at the trailer park. They played with the kids, ate good food, and River was a perfect gentleman though not without some less-than-subtle cues from Joss. They talked, they wined, dined. It was...nice. Too nice, V told herself. If the relic wasn’t already killing her, she’d have found some way to fuck it up with River. She wasn’t relationship material, at least not for this man. He was good, and kind, and selfless. And in V’s mind, she well, wasn’t. The thoughts plagued her, right in the back of her mind. Relentless. Constant. 

——-

The morning after V awoke wrapped up in River’s tank top and shorts. She was sore, in a good way. The covers didn’t make it onto the bed after their shenanigans last night. She took a minute to herself, to just enjoy things, her mind wandering back to River. He was strong, but he was so gentle with her. It was nice, once in a while... But nice wasn’t passion, heat, desire. Perhaps it was a testament to how fucked up she was that she had a nice thing and couldn’t put her heart into it. 

River was absent, probably in the kitchen, so V took the opportunity to get dressed; jeans, cropped tee, and black leather boots Johnny once called doc Martens. She looked in the mirror and splashed some water in her face, then ran her fingers through her long brown hair. She’d have a shower back at her place, and change her clothes then too. Then back to biz...Call Rogue to follow up on that lead, text Judy, do that job for Regina. Eat, maybe. Sleep, hopefully. All in a day’s work. 

She pushed herself up off the sink, sighing heavily, and heading towards the kitchen. River thankfully heard the tap of her boots on the linoleum and Herod out a cup of freshly brewed coffee for her. “G’mornin’” she muttered flashing River a half-hearted smile, taking the cup and sipping the hot coffee. “Hey, glad you’re up.” V knew that tone. River had something on his mind and now wasn’t a good time. “Look, V, If there’s something going on and you wanna talk about it..” I’m always here for you. He didn’t have to finish that cliched line. V had heard it all before and stopped believing it a long time ago.  
“Everything’s fine.” Liar. “I’m just really busy lately. Got a lot going on.” She couldn’t even look him in the eye as she spewed such trash.  
“V...”  
“No, River. I-“  
“No excuses V.” V closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Nothing lasts forever after all. “No excuses. Got it.” Her voice was hoarse and she realised she was fighting to keep her emotions in check. “I guess I’m just not sure where this is going... A merc, a former cop. We’re on two different sides. And shit, you have Monique, Dorian, and soon Randy to look out for. I’m not role model material...” Also I’m dyin’ and have a rockerboy turned terrorist stuck in my head. “Just dont...wanna drag you down with me.” She looked up and him as he pursed his lips and nodded slowly.  
“I get it V. I do. Not gonna act like it doesn’t hurt. But you gotta know you’re a hero to those kids. Joss and me too. Always will be.”  
“Thanks, River....You’re a good guy.” She put her coffee cup down, and fidgeted for a few seconds. “I should probably go.” 

V left silently, thankful the kids and Joss weren’t up to witness that train wreck. She got into her car wordlessly and began to drive back to Watson. 

“Y’ask me you dodged a bullet” Johnny, just what she needed at this moment, materialised beside her.  
“Well I didn’t ask you.” She bit back. V was in no mood to hear her uninvited guest lecture her on her choice of partner, especially since she was pretty sure she just got dumped.  
“Mercs and lawmen don’t mix and he’s too tame for you anyway. You want someone who could fight back. Someone like me.” He grinned and leaned out window. V made a disgusted noise and rolled her eyes.  
“Y’know Johnny you’re right. I’d love nothing more than to be swept into the arms of a fucking what..ninety year old? Rockerboy turned terrorist.”Her words dripped with sarcasm, and no small measure of venom. Nonetheless she kept her eyes on the road, not wanting to give him any more attention the she had to.  
“Say it like that sure. At least I could fuck you properly.” He shrugged and V almost swerved into another car.  
“Asshole! Is nothing fucking private?! You said—“  
“Didn’t need to poke around in your head to know that one bitch. It’s written all over your fucking face.”

V groaned and flicked on the radio and cranked it high, drowning out her own thoughts. Of course, it had to be a Samurai song that came on.  
V, as if on instinct, tapped along and sung under her breath. ‘Never Fade Away’ was one of her favourite songs, had been for years after an ex made her listen to a shit cover of it.  
“You a Samurai fan?” Johnny piped up finally.  
“Suure. Got ‘Mrs Silverhand’ tattooed on my right ass cheek.” V wasn’t done being angry, but anger took a lot of energy she didn’t have right now. She sighed and shook her head. “Guess I just clicked with this song. It’s not as heavy as some of your other stuff, still angry though. Except the chorus...Guess I like the sound of your voice sometimes.”  
Johnny smirked as V lavished the song -his song- with praise.  
“What do you say we go out tonight?” She looked straight ahead as she spoke. “I’ll hop in the passenger seat and you can have a night to yourself.”  
Johnny didn’t know what to say to that. He loved his last night out, relished in the booze, the girls, the freedom. But V had never just offered before, and he knew as well as she did what the pseudoendotrizine did to her brain.  
“What’s brought this sudden act of charity on? Doubt gettin’ dumped gave you a bigger heart.” He shrugged, but watched her reaction closely. V gripped the steering wheel harder, her knuckles turning white.  
“Just felt like it.” The words were casual, but this wasn’t the V he knew. “Maybe you can ask Rogue out.”  
Johnny thinks for a moment, he knows he shouldn’t but how many more chances like this is he really going to get? He doesn’t want to hurt V, but if its her choice...  
“Don’t gotta V. I’ll see Rogue when the time’s right. ‘Sides, don’t want you flatlinin’ before we finish this.”

V didn’t stop to think about why the rockerboy didn’t want out for once. She wasn’t staying in, so to speak, so she got straight onto biz. If she couldn’t check out for a few hours, she could at least run her body half as ragged as Johnny undoubtedly would and throw herself into work for the day. When she got home, she was too tired to even eat. V crawled into bed, not bothering to kick her boots off or even orient herself right. Sure, her neck would ache in the morning and she’d stink to high heaven, but she was dying anyway so what the fuck did it matter, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A gentle start, but more on the way soon!


	2. Do Cyberpunks Dream of Electric Sheep?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> V makes contact with the voodoo boys, and finds hope in the rogue AI Alt.

Mr Hands, after giving them the run around for god knows how long, proved to be a useful in with the Voodoo Boys; a Pacifica based gang of netrunners. They didn’t exactly want to help V in her mission, but they would in exchange for contacting Alt Cunningham from beyond the Blackwall. V was no amateur runner, but even she wouldn’t go beyond the black. It was fucking dangerous for one, and allegedly full of pre-war rogue AIs. But more importantly, nobody came back. Johnny was in agreement, full of shady shit he wanted no part in. V wanted to find another way to contact Alt but she had no clue where to even begin. And if Alt was beyond the Blackwall, what the fuck did that mean she was? 

V cleared out the GIM -Grand Imperial Mall- as silently as she could. Johnny once remarked she was more a ghost than he was at times, and it wasn’t far from the truth. Though he phrased it less like a compliment. She was small, quiet, and still packed a lot of heat if the going got rough. When she encountered the NetWatch agent she didn’t know what to do. Johnny kept her straight, told her the agent was pulling all the wrong strings. He had a good sense for these things, and whilst she’d never let him know it, she appreciated it. She’d had her pistol out the whole time, and took a step toward the agent. Fully prepared to take the corpo rat out. V cried out, and clutched her head. The pain was unbearable, like being stabbed with a thousand, tiny, white hot needles. The world soon went black.   
“V! V wake up! Don’t do this to me V, not lettin’ you flatline yet!” Johnny was desperate for the merc to open her eyes, he touched his hand to her cheek, brushed her hair out of her face. God there was blood coming from everywhere. She looked like shit, but she wasn’t dead yet. Nanites in the chip were working their magic, had to be. They had to work. A sharp pain twisted in his own chest, and he pushed it down, more concerned about his little merc passed out on the floor. 

V’s eyes fluttered open, the light was oppressive and she hadn’t had a headache like that since...since she took a bullet to the brain. Johnny was knelt over her, holding her hand as tight as he could. “Johnny...” Her throat felt like sandpaper.   
“V,” his voice caught in his throat as he said her name.   
Her vision cleared she met his gaze. He wasn’t wearing his aviators either. Weird, she never noticed he had brown eyes before... She felt a cold tingle on her cheek as he wiped away some blood. “Fuck me, V. Almost flatined there...”  
“I’m good, thanks. You’re not my type.” She spoke through gritted teeth and winced when she tried to get her muscles to obey. A cool hand shifted to the back of her neck as Johnny helped her sit up. “The fuck happened..?” V looked around, her eyes settling on the netwatch agent.  
“Almost ended up like him, that’s what happened. You okay? Look like shit, no offence.” Johnny leaned back, letting go of V as she stood herself up and almost falling again, but managing to steady herself on a server rack. He scowled at the situation. Words can’t describe how pissed off he was at being so helpless.   
“None taken, feel like it.”   
“We should go see our Voodoo buddie Placide. Thank him for his generosity. And then we-“  
“We find Alt.” V waved a hand dismissively and walked out the projection booth, not even sparing Johnny a second glance.   
“Yeah...” He went back to the void of the biochip as V made her way to have a friendly chat with Placide, then Maman Brigitte. 

——-

Maman Brigitte helped to the extent it was beneficial to her, and soon enough V was in cyberspace. Though she made sure to give Placide a taste of his own medicine, gonk brain should be more careful about who he hires. 

Cyberspace felt as disjointed as ever; there but not really. V saw Johnny’s memories again, his final days with Alt. It was hard watching that one, living it... She got to see what an ass Johnny could be, but also how he fought for the people he loved. Even if in the end he pushed them all away with his larger than life ego. A part of her felt bad for him. No wonder he dulled it all with drink, drugs, and women...That much trauma would cause anyone to take a long walk off a short cliff. A sharp pain twisted in her chest, and she let herself wonder if he would do that for her. Probably not, who was she kidding? He just wanted to be rid of her. 

Outside of his memories, they were back in Arasaka Tower, though it was subtly different this time around. The data shifting into irregular patterns. V once described it as like being shit faced, but the room really is moving and there’s a noticeable lag in your movements. 

Johnny was leaning nonchalantly on a railing, waiting for V.   
“Didn’t tell me about any of that. Could have used a heads up that Alt was your girlfriend.” V leant on the railing next to the Rockerboy. Here in cyberspace they were the same, constructs of data. They could, at least in theory interact like two normal people would.   
“Didn’t matter. Ancient history. ‘Sides we got more pressing concerns right now.”  
“Still woulda been nice to know. Sorry V, by the way Alts my ex and she wrote soulkiller. What if she’s resentful Johnny? This is our only hope, can’t afford to jeopardise it for some fifty year grudge.”  
“You’re right...Shoulda told ya, fine.” His voice was low, soft almost as he accepted his faults. V was expecting a fight, a creaming match, anything but an admission of guilt.  
“Johnny...” V placed her hand gently on his arm and watched as he hung his head even lower, his forehead almost pressing to her knuckles.   
“Nah you’re right. I fucked it with Alt, and everyone else I ever thought of as a friend. One fuck up after another. Thought that all ended in ‘Saka tower, turns out I’m back for one more round. Now I got more blood on my hands. Yours. Was the last thing I wanted...Even Alt wanted me to just let it go.” 

There weren’t words that could make this better, not right now. V stayed silent, but gently ran her fingers through his hair. She barely touched him for fear he’d just bolt at the slightest show of affection. Were they in realspace, he probably would. “V...” he began, not looking up at her, keeping his attention on the hand on his arm.   
“Don’t start Johnny.” V warned, gently but with an unmistakeable firmness in her voice. For a few minutes he just let her comfort him.

“So we just wait now? If she shows, she’ll show?”  
“On the contrary I was always here, V.” A disembodied, yet familiar voice spoke.   
“Alt..” Johnny said her name with a sort of reverence, and a tinge of fear.   
“This is V, gonna need to call in that favour for gettin; you out of Arasaka Tower. Need you to save her life.” The construct in front of the duo wasn’t like the Alt either of them knew. Whatever happened to her beyond the Blackwall, she wasn’t human.   
“I cannot help you. To do so would require more advanced technology.”  
“Yeah? How about Mikoshi, that advanced enough for you?”  
“If I could gain access to Mikoshi, it would cease to exist.” Johnny winked at the construct and looked at V, the relief that Alt could help was plain on his face.   
“Alright. We can work with that. We get you in and you’ll save V’s life?”  
“Affirmative. I will create a construct of V, then disentangle you from Johnny. Your engram will then be injected back into your mortal form. Everything else will simply disappear.” Johnny and V exchanged a worried glance.  
“Everything...else?”   
“I did not grant Soulkiller its name, but the program does exactly that.” The AI explained matter of factly.   
“Bullshit, V just jumps back into her body. Same ad before. No changes.”   
“Very well, we are agreed. Find a path into Mikoshi. I will prepare a program to let you navigate the local net.” And like that she was gone, and Johnny and V were alone once again.   
They discussed briefly how they could get Alt into Mikoshi; Johnny mentioned calling up the Aldecaldos for help or Rogue seeing as she had done it before. They could of course handle it themselves, or attempt to at least. They made quite the dynamic duo as Johnny pointed out. Regardless they would discuss it later, at home.

——

Back at V’s apartment Johnny sprawled himself out on the sofa, watching whatever happened to be on the TV, while V ate some inexpensive ramen from one of the nearby stalls, wrapped in a blanket after her ice bath earlier. “So if Saburo was gonna use the relic, do ya think he had a spare body out there?” Johnny mused as he watched V eat out the corner of his eye, bobbing his foot absentmindedly to whatever was on the radio. He could taste the oily, garlicky, pork broth as V slurped down her well-deserved dinner. V shrugged, and picked up a slice of synth pork with her chopsticks, waving it as she spoke. He inclined his head to one side and chuckled to himself, he liked it when she talked with her hands. It more often than not meant she was excited about something. “No idea, but that sorta information could be in the ‘Saka internal net. Know what you’re thinkin’ though...” Johnny leaned forward, elbows on his knees.   
“And?” V swallowed the synth pork and another mouthful of noodles before she replied. “And it’s not a half bad idea. If the tech exists. You’d need to know what you’re looking for, a preem ‘runner to find it. We’d probably need another, not so fucked, chip too. Don’t doubt it exists but dunno where it’d be.” V waved a synth shrimp as she spoke, and Johnny nodded along pensively. This didn’t sounds doable to either of them, but then again, stranger things had happened. “Do you want to stay all of a sudden?” She set the empty takeout carton on the coffee table and leaned back, putting her feet up. “Why? Can’t wait for me to finally leave you the fuck alone?” He bit back, getting the sense V didn’t want him around for any longer than she had to. “Didn’t say that Johnny. Just wanted to know what your plans are since you never fuckin’ share much else.” She hugged her knees to her chest, not liking the sudden hostility between them.   
“Startin’ to like it here. Food’s shit though. Company’s worse.” V rolled her eyes and stalked off to bed hoping he’d disappear into whatever void he resided in. 

As V lay on the bed, trying to sleep Johnny leant against the adjacent wall, one foot on the wall and arms crossed in front of him. “D’ya miss him? The cop?” V shuffled to prop herself up on one hand, giving the rocker a quizzical look. She waited for him to explain to no avail. Sighing heavily, she flopped onto her back and patted the empty space on the bed beside her. “Nobody likes bein’ alone Johnny, even you had company most nights.”   
Johnny walked over and perched on the edge, the mattress staying perfectly level.   
“That a yes? Pig couldn’t even fuck you right and you want that for the rest of your life?” The merc shrugged and rolled over once again to look Johnny in the eye.   
“Keep bringing that up and I’ll start to think you do.”   
“That your happy end?” Johnny swivelled and rested on leg on the bed, the other planted firmly on the floor. His lips curled up into a satisfied smirk.   
“Right now just wanna survive, after that...Nah, you’re not my type.” Johnny laughed, not derisively like he usually did, just laughed.   
“I’m exactly your bullshit type Princess.” Johnny took his glasses off and winked at her. V’s cheeks flushed and she rolled over.   
“I fucking hate you Silverhand.”   
“Sweet dreams, Princess.” He glitched away into the recesses of her mind leaving her alone with at least her surface thoughts, and a familiar sharp pain in her chest. Johnny was right about one thing, her was her type. He was as fucked up as she was in many respects. At least she never had to worry about him judging her, or many he would anyway. They were fire and gasoline though, they’d consume each other. V sighed heavily. Nothing in her life was ever fucking easy, was it?

—

V’s dreams were sweet indeed. Johnny was in her apartment, working on a gentle guitar riff on the sofa while she showered. She could hear it plain as day. She shut the water off and wrapped herself in a towel. “So...Decided to stick around then?” She remarked casually as she stepped out the bathroom into the cold apartment.   
Johnny shrugged and finished the section he was working on before putting the guitar down. “Decided the company wasn’t so bad after all.” He stood up and walked over to her. For a moment she was frozen, she was caught between the bathroom door and reminded herself the last time he got this close here, he almost killed her. This time though his touch was much gentler. 

His metallic fingers grazed across her arm, up to the back of her neck and rested there. “Almost lost you twice today V...” His thumb brushed across her cheek, and he looked unsure for a moment, but V put her hand on his arm. She didn’t get a word in before he kissed her. It was rough, angry...But possessive. It was like this was the only thing in the world he needed, and he had to have it right this second. River certainly never kissed her like that, that was for sure. She needed it too. V kissed her rockerboy back with just as much ferocity. He pinned her against the bathroom door with a soft thud, and freely let his other hand explore V’s damp figure. But good things don’t happen to V, and she broke the kiss before it could go much further. It was a cruel trick by her own subconscious.   
“V...” Johnny breathed. Her name sounded so right coming from his lips.   
“Johnny...”

V woke up breathing heavily... the pain in her chest flared up like never before. She swallowed, hard, and buried her face into the pillows willing herself with every fibre of her being to forget that damn dream. She wasn’t that fucked up. She wasn’t catching feelings for a fucking ghost. She wasn’t falling for Johnny fucking Silverhand.


	3. The Great Charade

Johnny had a few last requests before he and V hit Arasaka, before it was too late for either of them. Most involved catching up with old friends; Rogue, Kerry, a couple others. But one thing particularly lit a fire in him that even V could feel; Adam Motherfucking Smasher, the asshole that killed him as still in Night City. He and V tracked down a lead, and took it to rogue to follow up. It lead to the Ebunike, a cargo ship helmed by one Grayson. V and Johnny headed in with Rogue, who after all these years had her own score to settle with Smasher. Maelstrom mooks guarded the place, but a quick phone call to Brick saw that they all had the night off. 

“So let me get this straight.” Rogue began as she crept through the maze of shipping containers. “you and Johnny want to use ‘Saka tech that might not even exist, let alone be in Night City, to get him a fresh new body? That about right?”  
Johnny strolled alongside the pair and would warn of any upcoming danger, if he was paying attention. V on the other hand had a laser focus on the goal, as she did on most gigs.  
“That’s about the size of it.” She replied casually as she grabbed a leftover Maelstrom guard from behind and choked him out.  
“Are you fucking out of your mind kid?”  
The trio continued along the empty container hallways of the ebunike. “Hey, it was Johnny’s idea.” V swear she felt Rogue roll her eyes as she shook her head. They were nearing the helm, and she held up an empty hand to indicate silence. 

Within moments they had Grayson in their sights, a portly guy dressed in an ill fitting suit. Corpo cunt wannabe.  
“Fuckers got my gun! I’d recognise her anywhere! Custom Malorian, had ‘er specially made!” V jumped as Silverhand’s voice came crashing into her consciousness. Rogue, as impatient as ever went straight in, while V took out Graysons hustle. It didn’t take them long to subdue him. “Take the gun, V!”  
Rogue questioned him about Smasher but Grayson, pig that he was, tried to steer the conversation back on her. Talked about the price of being Queen of the Afterlife.  
“Hey asswipe, shut the fuck up. And that gun, doesn’t belong to you. Hand it over.” Grayson didn’t have time to hand the weapon over before V took of from his limp hands.  
“You a fan too, got something you’ll else you’ll like.” He pleaded, trying to bargain with V since Rogue still had her own gun trained on him.  
“Like fuck you do. Johnny’s body, where is it? What’d Saburo do with it?” Rogue interjected to V and Johnny’s surprise.  
Grayson looked disgusted, and more than a little afraid. Rogue had a score to settle after all, while this no name merc in front of him didn’t and was less likely to put a bullet in his head because of it. “O-oil fields outside the city, dumped in a lockbox. Prob’ly not much left now, but reckin if you dig far enough you might find a silver fucking hand.” He stuttered and looked frantically at the both of them.  
“And Smasher, where’s he?” V continued getting back to the reason they made this trip in the first place.  
“Don’t know! I swear! He’s workin security for Arasaka now is all I know!” Rogue lowered her gun and turned away. “For fucks sake!”  
She walked off muttering to herself and V was left to finish Grayson off, but not before a quick word with Johnny.  
“End ‘I’m V, corpo rat doesn’t deserve to live. But search his pockets, might have something useful for us. ” And like that Grayson was no more, and much to V’s disappointment all he had on him was the key to one of the maybe thousands of shipping containers around them. Rogue was cursing everyone out at this point, V included, more than a little furious over tonight’s events. “I’ll see myself home V, hope it was worth it.” Rogue walked away and Johnny materialised on top of a console. “Let her go V, best to let her be alone right now trust me. Now shall we see what that fucker was hiding? If he’s got somethin’ else of mine I want it back.”

They spent a long time combing the Ebunike for the right container, and eventually found it. Johnny had a feeling, upon seeing the sheer size of the container, that he knew exactly what it was that Grayson tried to bargain with. Something inside of him grew positively giddy as V opened up the container. He could barely contain his surprise when he saw none other than he old Porsche 911 inside. V smiled as he gave the car a once over, she hadn’t seen him genuinely excited before. Like a kid on Christmas morning. She leaned against the entry, arms folded casually over her chest. V had to rationalise that Johnny was just data, it made ending things less painful at times, but he made it damn hard. But seeing him now...He loved, hated, regretted. He was a sarcastic asshole, but he made her laugh more often than not. He even looked like he cared about her sometimes. He was as human as she was. 

Even V had to admit those were some pretty nice wheels, and she’d tried to steal a Rayfield once upon a time. There was just something about the classics that made her heart beat faster. “Hop in, I’ll even let you drive.” Johnny teased, winking at V as she got into the drivers side and Johnny into the passenger seat. The leather felt worn, but comfortable and the inside was immaculately kept. No doubt a far cry from what it looked like back in 2020.  
“Got somewhere I wanna see V, if you’ll oblige.” He didn’t look at her as V pulled out of the container and onto the roads of night city. “Wanna go to the oil fields, see my final resting place for myself. Gotta know.”  
V, level headed as ever, expertly wound between cars on the highway, though she wanted to pull over and have it out with Johnny as to why this was a shit idea. But she knew that as shit as it was, he probably needed this closure. “Alright. If you’re sure...”. She flicked the radio onto a more chilled out station. The radio had become a constant presence in her life around the same time Johnny had. At first it was drowning him out, but now it filled the oddly comfortable silences. Sometimes she would sing along, or Johnny would comment about how rock was dead and she should listen to some good fucking music. 

—-

The oil fields were nothing special, nor was the landfill where Grayson claimed they dumped Johnny’s body fifty years ago. V stepped over the sheets of corrugated steel gingerly, venturing further in. “Fuck me, this is it. A garbage pile. Didn’t even get a marker.” They sat in a clearing, one facing the other.  
“Does the great Johnny Silverhand really need symbols like that? Now?” V asked, carefully. She didn’t think the rocker out any stock in stuff like that, but she could have been wrong. It wasn’t like she went looking for these answers in his psyche. “Guess I do...” he admitted solemnly.  
“Then let’s change that.” V took out a pocket knife and scratched Johnny’s initials into the metal box she was sitting on. “Here lies Johnny Silverhand...”  
He let a moment of silence go by before he looked at V, really looking like he wanted to ask her something. But the time wasn’t right, now would it ever be. “If this were really grave what would you write?” V looked away, then back at Johnny, then at a nearby busted up turbine. “Seriously?”  
“Come on,” his voiced hitches, “if this were 2020 and you were sittin’ in front of my headstone what would you really write?”  
V purses her lips and thought for a minute. “Here lies Johnny Silverhand,” she began hesitantly. “Narcissistic, egotistical, prick...” she saw Johnny’s hands drop as he nodded once, his signature aviators hanging limp. “And the man who saved my life.” She leaned her head on her hand, watching as Johnny got up and paced for a minute before sitting down next to her. “Don’t know how much I want that to be true, V. I swear I’ll get you through this, one way or another. Not gonna let you die ‘cause of me.” His dark eyes bored into hers.  
He talked like she were going to die tomorrow, V knew it was a possibility, but it was one she wanted to avoid and tried her hardest to put out of her mind. The end of either of them was heartbreaking. Frankly, she didn’t want to lose Johnny either. She’d grown to enjoy his presence, his sarcasm, how he insisted on doing things the old school way.  
“Johnny...”  
“No V, listen.” He lifted his head off her stomach to look her in the eyes. “You’re gonna live even if I have to drag your ass through Arasaka myself. Not gonna let you down. Listen, I know I fucked up a lot of things. Either let down or used every last person who gave me their trust. Blind, selfish bastard that I was. But I’ve managed one thing for now. Not to fuck this up... what we have.”  
V smiled weakly, she didn’t want anyone to exchange their life for hers, especially not Johnny who just got another chance at life. He had something to prove, maybe not to her but to himself at the least, to everyone who knew him in life. He was a changed man, thanks in no small part to V’s influence, and it was time to show them all.  
“I know Johnny. I Can tell when you’re bullshittin’ me, for the most part. Can feel some of what you’re feelin’ after all. More importantly though, I trust you.” She pinched the bridge of her nose and rubbed her eyes, stalling for time mostly but she was pretty tired too. She felt that sharp pain in her chest twist again, and her breath caught in her throat. V clasped her hand around his dog tags, her thumb rubbing the cool metal absentmindedly. “But you gotta know, I’m doing everything in my power to get us both out of this. Alive. You can change your mind, of course but—“  
Johnny covered her hand with his own, squeezing gently. Though the sensation was more like a light tingling -the image of static on an old television came to mind- it was unmistakably Johnny. “V, it’s a pipe dream gotta admit. Gotta be practical about this now.”  
V withdrew her hand, it passing through his too easily, to cross her arms. In her peripheral vision she caught the brief sadness in his eyes. “Yeah. Practical.”  
Silence hung in the air for a moment too long before she touched the rocker on the shoulder, nudging him ever so slightly. “Come on Samurai, let’s go home.” He looked up at her, his little merc, and he felt a warmth that he hadn’t felt...maybe ever. It was hard to say. Home. The word held such little significance before, and now he had a home. With V.  
“And hey, maybe you should apologise to Rogue. Y’know, for bein’ a massive dick back in the day.” She started towards the car, leaning on the roof of the driver’s side with her head on her hands as she waited for an answer. Something about that looked so right to Johnny as he followed close behind. “Yeah...tell her I’ll finally take her to the movies. She’ll know what you mean.” V smiled and nodded before getting into the car. They drove home to some ‘golden oldies’ according to the radio host. They were before even Johnny’s time, but both he and V sung along like they were just two people going for a drive. 

—-

Once at home, V called Rogue like she said she would. Johnny looked nervous the whole time, as much as he let it show. He was leaning on the window sill, one ankle across the other. But his fingers drummed the sill and he kept looking at V every few seconds to see if she was finished.  
“Yeah I’ll swing by the Afterlife to pick you up. Sweet, I’ll let Johnny know” V hung up the holo and tossed it onto the bed. She paced around the apartment, avoiding making eye contact with Johnny“She agreed. I’ll drive there, then pop one of Misty’s pseudoendotrizine and you can bury the hatchet.” She looked up to Johnny, his characteristic smirk plastered across his smug face. He didn’t have to say what he was thinking, V could tell. “For god sake Johnny, don’t fuck Rogue in my body please.”  
“What? Wouldn’t enjoy the show? Could make it even for those times you got fucked by the cop.” He was still smirking... God when was he not?  
“First, it’s my body. So it’s my choice who I fuck, not yours. Not that you have a history of listening to me after your brief bender last time.” Her fingers rubbed over the tattoo she now had on her forearm. One she’d thought of getting rid of plenty of times, but never found the time to. Johnny’s eyes followed her fingers from behind his glasses.  
“No need to get so defensive, Princess. Unless you’re jealous?” He lowered his glasses and looked V in the eyes. She scoffed and crossed her arms over her chest in a huff.  
“Projecting much?” She met his gaze, unfazed by his comments this time.  
“Go fuck yourself V.”  
“I’d say eat shit and die, but you already went and did that, so why don;t you piss off to whatever fucking void you go to when you’re not here.”  
Johnny sat on the bed and took off his glasses. That was a low blow, especially for V. She was many things, but she was never vicious. He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “We gonna keep doing this V? Tryna save your sorry ass but you make it fuckin’ hard sometimes.”  
“Try living with yourself sometime rockerboy. Last time you hijacked my body you-“  
“Got you to a fuckin’ motel so you wouldn’t flatline on the street. Believe me V, gotta live with myself every damn day, fucked up a lot, I know. But do you gotta keep throwing it back in my face? Doin’ my best here with what I got.”  
V stopped pacing and ran her fingers through her hair, taking a deep breath as she did so. He was right, which was perhaps the most annoying part of it all. They couldn’t keep going for each other’s throats like this. “That time I took the pills, I got flashes. The drink, the women, the partying.” She took a seat on the bed and flopped backwards. “Felt like shit for a couple of days afterwards, and you didn’t give a shit, ‘cause you haven’t gotta deal with the consequences. Just askin’ that you don’t leave me with another mess to clean up.”  
“Things change V. Wouldn’t do that to you now.” V gave a short mhm in response and patted the space immediately next to her. Johnny obliged and lied down next to the merc. It was the first time he’d seen the inside of this little nook, and looked up to see a ceiling full of tiny stars, each one hand painted. “The fuck’s all that?”  
“Huh? Oh...” V filled him in on how, when she was much younger, she wanted to see all the stars. She wanted to be a nomad, always sleeping under a clear sky. Johnny laughed along, called her a gonk, that she’d miss the city comforts. Her mom said the same things, as well as that it wasn’t safe out there. She didn’t get to see the stars until she was much older, and by that point she had her own place, and she rarely got time to herself, so she brought the stars home with her. Johnny listened, really listened, to every word V spoke like it was the last time she would ever share anything like this with him. “It’s stupid, I know...”  
“No...Just didn’t take you for an artist.” Maybe they had more common ground than either of them thought.  
“Sure. Started with drawing on walls at my mom’s place. But she got pissed, of course. So then I’d just tag shit with Jackie. He used to lift me up onto his shoulders so I could reach.” V chuckled, a soft smile settling on her lips as the memory replayed in her mind. Johnny could see bits if he closed his eyes. “Let’s see, then.”  
V shrugged, what harm could it do? Showing a dead guy her sketchbook wasn’t a big deal. She shuffled onto her front and reached over the bed into a drawer underneath. Johnny sat up, and his eyes wandered over V’s slight frame. It was such a childlike gesture, that lacked any sort of grace, but when V did it it held a certain charm. After a minute of digging she produced a pretty sizeable sketchbook. 

Her and Johnny shifted into a more comfortable position so he was able to look over her shoulder as she thumbed through it. They sat against the wall, V with her legs tucked up under her chin for balancing the book on. His arm rested lightly on V’s shoulders. He had to admit, the more he looked at her work, the more impressed he was. There were a lot of portraits, still life’s of the city, and some sketches of graffiti he was sure he’d recognised from their time around Heywood. She captured everyone, including her friends. Faces he recognised from her memories were immortalised in graphite; Jackie, Mama Welles, Sebastian Ibarra, Pepe from the Coyote, her mother... Then at the end, she flicked onto the last page. Him. V quickly closed the book, her cheeks flushing red. Johnny smirked, and ran his digital fingers across the stickered cover. “When’d you do that? Don’t remember posing for a portrait.”  
“After you gave me these.” She touched the dog tags that decorated her neck. “Couldn’t sleep that night, and honestly? Couldn’t get you out of my head.” Johnny wanted to make a quip about how he was always in her head, but his attention was still transfixed on the sketchbook. He’d only caught a glance of the portrait, but he saw himself for once how V saw him. It was better than he deserved.  
“Come on, got an idea.” She hurried off the couch and tossed the sketchbook onto the sofa, it landing open on the same portrait. “Not too proud of that one, gonna admit. Drawing you from memory is hard. So get comfy.” She ferreted around in the bottom of the wardrobe, producing a small box. Johnny looked confused but he obliged, sprawling out on the sofa as he usually did. V leaned over him, careful not to touch him despite him being data. She opened the blinds, neon lights of the night city skyline spilling through the glass, illuminating the small apartment in wonderfully saturated colours. Johnny breathed a laugh and smiled, settling in for what would probably be a while. V set up her little station next to him, and got to work on a fresh portrait, one she could remember him with. 

“Y’know...Sometimes when I wake up feels like I’m back.” Johnny broke the silence as V worked away.  
“Wha? What d’ya mean back?” V looked over the sketchbook, tucking her pencil behind her ear.  
“Well, like I got this body to myself. Like I’m free,” he saw her eyebrows raise and she turned her attention back to the canvas. “Seconds later, feels like I’m missing something - something really important. Then I realise you’re there, always were, and this stupid wave of relief washes over me.” V smiled, though he couldn’t see it, he felt it.  
“You goin’ soft, Silverhand?” She teased, and he chuckled.  
“Hah...Guess so. You done yet? Starting to get cramp in my...” Before he could finish his thought V turned the sketchbook around and grinned. Johnny’s words left him as he looked between this new portrait and the artist. There he was, a perfect rendition of him bathed in multicoloured neon lights. Even if he did say so himself, it was beautiful. He was beautiful, to her. “Fuck...V.”  
“You like it?”  
“It’s amazing. Christ, you’re amazing...” V smiled and shrugged in response, tearing the page out of the sketchbook. Johnny lurched forward, thinking she was going to swre it up, toss it away or worse. He grabbed her by the wrist, squeezing a little too hard. “V!”  
She set the rest of the sketchbook down and waited for him to let go. “I’m getting a frame, gonk brain. Relax.” He did, and let go of her. V did as she said she would, then set the picture on the coffee table. “There...” 

V soon headed off to bed, but Johnny stayed. He spent a long time thinking that night, about V, him, all the shit they’d been through, stealing glances at her sleeping form. She still slept weird, and he did his best to correct her gently. He mulled over all the things he could have said, things he wanted to say but didn’t know how. No doubt V was becoming more important every day, and now he had an odd sense of dread about his fucking date with Rogue tomorrow night. It didn’t matter, not really. He didn’t have to live with the consequences, V was right about that. Consequences of him inserting himself into her life, or the consequences that came from them growing closer. Fuck it...He’d burn that bridge when he crossed it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song they listen to in the car is absolutely Hotel California, if anyone if curious. As for Artist!V, there’s a lot of graffiti in Night City and it didn’t seem too much of stretch for a street kid to also be a graffiti artist. Kinda Miles Morales-y? Girl’s gotta have hobbies too, right? I did debate making her a musician as well, but it didn’t feel right. She’s more of a shower singer/occasional karaoke performer.


	4. Memorial Address

V handed over the reins to her body as she said she would, and Johnny couldn’t wait for his date with Rogue. Something about the situation irked him, in an indescribable way. V was a fucking stubborn host, she wouldn’t just give up. Whatever, he’d ask about it later. 

Things were going to be like they were fifty years ago, when he was alive and the world was much simpler than it was now. That might be an exaggeration, but he could pretend for one night. He tried once before leaving, to reach out through whatever connection he had with V to see if she was okay, but wherever V was in her own head, she didn’t want to reached. It felt disgusting, even to Johnny fucking Silverhand, to use her like this. Looking in the mirror he just her, though with some unmistakeable hints of him. He saw his own silver arm for example.  
Curiosity took over and he leaned closer to the mirror, observing V’s face. Her eyes were forest green he’d never seen, but he didn’t think they were implants. She didn’t have any piercings, or obvious scars on her face either. In fact, her whole body was pretty scar free, until his hands grazed over the gonk tattoo he’d gotten. What the fuck was he thinking? It was one thing to expressly fuck her over, but giving her a constant reminder was fucking cruel. The longer he looked the more acutely he felt that pain in his chest. 

Regardless, he had a date with the Queen of the Afterlife. One that had been a long time coming. He buried those feeling deep, and headed to the garage to take his Porsche. 

Admittedly, he felt a little nervous driving to the Afterlife, his reclaimed Porsche purring along the roads. But that melted away the moment he saw Rogue standing outside the Afterlife. Was hard to believe it had been fifty years when she’s out here looking like she does. He honked the horn as he pulled up to the door. “Rogue! Let’s get this show on the road shall we?”   
He recoiled hearing his own cadence, but V’s voice, heralding his longtime lover. She walked over, slowly, deliberately, letting Johnny drink in the Rogue of 2077. When she finally got in the passenger seat, she looked him over in much the same way. She didn’t see Johnny, not wholly, but he did his best with what he had. V didn’t have much that was his style; most of her clothes where tight, cropped, or hard to walk in. So he opted for an old jacket, a samurai tank top he made a note to ask V about later, and V’s leather boots.   
“Looking more like yourself tonight Rockerboy. Not a fan of crop tops?” Rogue teased, smirking and relaxing into the familiar seat.   
“Not on me. Like some room to actually move in my clothes. Look good on V though.”   
“Mhm bet they do.” There was something in her tone that Johnny didn’t like, she was up to something, reading into things too much. Seems like she did that a lot these days.   
“What? I’m stuck in her body, of course I’m gonna notice” He jumped to his own defence a little too quickly for Rogue’s liking, and she gave him a look like they both knew better but didn’t say anything further on the subject. 

It took more than a little effort to get into the drive in that he or Rogue had anticipated, given that it had apparently foreclosed a few years prior. The place was run down back in the day, but now trash was piling up, the cars had all been smashed up, graffitied, and worse. Guess nobody appreciated the “old fashioned” way of doing things. Once everything was in place though, it was exactly as it should have been. They had the place to themselves, and sat atop a too old car, that by all rights should have caved in under their combined weight. Yhey watched the film in comfortable silence. For a few minutes anyway. 

“So...You gonna tell me why the hell V let you off your leash for tonight? Didn’t seem best pleased after your last escapade.” Rogue gave Johnny a sideways glance, and he got the feeling she already knew the answer.   
“She probably wanted a break. Had a rough time of it lately.” He shrugged and draped one of his arms around Rogue’s shoulders.   
“Jesus, Johnny you really don’t change.” She moved away from his touch and hopped off the car to face him. Johnny leaned forward, clasping his hands and resting his elbows on his knees. He was prepared to listen to whatever admonishment Rogue threw at him, if only to placate her for the time being.   
“You’re killing this poor woman and now you want to do it faster so you can ask me out? Are you fucking serious?” She was pacing, not quite yelling yet so he could still diffuse the situation.   
“Hey she let me. Offered of her own volition. Couldn’t exactly say no to that. Besides she’s tougher than she looks. She’s out here fighting all day every day, and you’re sat on your ass. Who’re you to judge V?”   
Rogue stopped, and it hit them both what Johnny had just said. Who he was jumping to the defence of now, and to whom it was he was defending V.   
“You’re a fucking dumbass Johnny.” Rogue laughed and smiled at him. Johnny meanwhile, held his arms open as of to ask Rogue what the fuck she was going on about this time.   
“Do you really need me to spell it out for you? Fine.” Rogue positioned herself directly in front of him. “Johnny you and I both know this wasn’t going anywhere. But I think you wanted me here to ask permission...to I don’t know, stop living in twenty-twenty.” He shot her a disgusted look and she held up her hands. “It’s okay to want to move on is all I’m saying. I sure did.” She leans on the car next to Johnny, pausing for effect or realising how heavy this conversation turned out to be. “So what do you suggest I do Rogue?” His eyes are closed as he rests his head on his fists.   
“I don’t know. Not a lot you can do. But you’ve got a girl there who despite everything, despite you being the ungrateful ass you are, decided to kill herself a smidge faster so you could have tonight. You don’t meet someone like that every day.”   
“So what Vs head over heels for the cancer that’s killing ‘er? She’s not that fucked up.” Johnny scoffed at the idea that someone like V, kind and selfless, would even look twice at him except to pity him.   
“Didn’t say that, but goddamn it, she’s going up against Arasaka on two fronts for your ass. She knows the stakes as well as we do, and she’s doing it anyway. Either you’re more entangled than you think, or she’s got the same motivations you did fifty years ago.” Rogue shrugged and walked a small circle while Johnny processed her words. No way did V feel like that, for one he would have been able to tell, right? She couldn’t keep that hidden from him surely. But Rogue was right about one thing, she didn’t hate him despite him trying his damndest to make it so.   
“Thanks for tonight Johnny. Not what you wanted I bet, but anything else wouldn’t have been fair to V, or to you. Look, you’ve got a lot to think about, I’ll see myself back.”

Rogue didn’t give the rockerboy much of a chance to reply before she walked away, calling someone to come pick her up. Leaving Johnny alone with his thoughts for the time being. Misty’s pills would start wearing off soon, and V would be back. For a moment he looked down at her hands, trying to see them despite himself. For the first time he noticed how soft they were, and how delicate. V wasn’t the type of girl you’d call delicate, but she was a pretty slight woman when he thought about it. Reminded him of Alt in a way, but B didn’t want to fix him. Their demons played well together and they were as fucked up as each other. Couldn’t even begin to fix the other without being a fucking hypocrite. 

Before he could finish that thought, a searing pain burned in his skull, and he’s heaved forward coughing up yet more blood. Before he knew it, he was a passenger again and V looked around the dilapidated drive-in with her own eyes.   
“Where..?” V blinked, wiping away the blood on her dark pants. She’d get it out later when she washed them.   
“Drive-in. Shit tip now though.” Johnny materialised and leaned on the car next to V, making sure not to look at her lest she know what he was just thinking.   
“And Rogue? Didn’t go as planned?” She gave him a sorrowful look, and would have put her hand on his shoulder if he let her.   
“Somethin’ like that. Gave me permission to move on, saying’ we both changed in the last fifty years. Too much to go back.”  
It took V a minute to take his words in, guessing he and Rogue didn’t... “Nothing like that. Promise.” He interrupted, perfectly finishing her thought. She guessed they were more entwined than they thought. “So what are you still doing out here? Could have at least brought me home.”   
Johnny chuckled and shook his head, choosing his next words carefully. “Wanted to have a talk”  
V rolled her eyes, and tucked her knees up under her chin. “You gonna break up with me too..? Well I got news for you rockerboy, according to all sources, ‘til death do we part.”  
The words came out dripping with V’s sarcasm, but as lighthearted as they were there was a bitter sting to them. As if Johnny needed to be reminded he was killing V, the one damn person in the world he was closest to.   
“Not what I was gonna say but thanks for the reminder.” Now it was Johnny’s turn to pace in front of V as he organised his thoughts.   
For all the time they had spent together, she had never seen Johnny this careful before, he was pacing rehearsing lines in his head maybe. It was...kinda cute. Endearing in an innocent way. 

“Johnny...?” V began and his eyes immediately met hers, grateful for breaking the silence so he didn’t get stuck going in circles with himself. He didn’t realise it before but he kinda liked how she said his name, like it fit. It broke him out of his worst spirals, like a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel.   
“You wanna watch a movie? You’d have to go and fiddle with it, but you’re good at that.” V rolled her eyes and hopped off the car.   
“Fine. Don’t wanna talk don’t have to.” She jogged off to the projector booth and for a moment Johnny could almost believe they were two people, on a regular ass date.   
“Bushido ten, nice choice! Reeeaaaaal romantic!” V hollered down to the lot as the movie started again. Johnny smiled and moved to the car he and rogue previously shared and inclined his head to the empty space next to him, ready for V to occupy.   
“Alright alright, I’m coming’.” V jogged back down to the lot and looked between him and the roof of the car. “That things not gonna collapse when I do this right? Don’t need tetanus on top of all this shit.”   
He shook his head. “Just get your ass up here, will you?”   
She obliged and hoisted herself up onto the roof of the car. It was warmer than she expected, though she was still worried about the old roof caving in on her.   
“You feelin’ better after your break from life?” Johnny asked casually, keeping his eyes on the picture.   
“Nope. Not gonna last much longer though, right?” Much the same, v kept her eyes on the picture. She didn’t see Johnny wince as she talked so casually about her death. “Take it from me V, they’ll still be your problems in fifty fuckin years.” He tried to lighten the mood, and V let out a small soft chuckle. With the tension diffused V wanted to have some fun with the rockerboy. He spent a lot of time teasing her, so she felt it was time for some pay back. 

“So what’s the play gonna be this time Johnny? Gonna yawn and put your arm around me?” She smirked and gave the apparition a sideways glance.   
“You’d like that wouldn’t you? But no need to be so subtle, not like people came here for the quality flicks.”   
V laughed and Johnny put his silver arm around her shoulders. He could feel it. Or rather her. Or maybe he was feeling himself as V. But it worked. V felt the cool metal drape around her, but it wasn’t heavy like Rivers arms were. Maybe Johnny was holding back, or maybe it was a result of the chip being just a chip. They’d never really tried to just touch each other significantly, not really. Just little nudged here and there. V’s mind drifted back to their first meeting, and she recalled vividly that he almost knocked her out cold. I   
“Johnny, I can feel that...” There was an unmistakable tone of surprise in her voice. Johnny didn’t interact with the world much, or V for that matter. He’d almost killed her once, saved her life another time. But never really tried to touch her aside from that. It felt...nice. Like even as a ghost he wasn’t alone.   
It hit him then why breaking up with River hurt V so much. When all was said and done, she didn’t want to be alone again. Jackie was dead, and he’d be gone soon enough unless they pulled a miracle out of their asses. Maybe as a final good deed he could make those last days bearable. Brighter might have been a stretch, but he could manage bearable. For her. 

“Say V, got a question for ya.” He smirked and V looked immediately worried. She anticipated the next word had something to do with sex.   
“Shoot...” she groaned.  
“What’s the V short for?” Johnny turned his head back to the movie, enjoying himself a little too much.   
“What? That’s what you want to know? Can’t just look through my memories and see for yourself?” She was surprised by the question, most people didn’t ask. Most didn’t care what the V was short for as long the biz got done. Jackie and Mama Welles knew, but that was all she could count in Night City. Misty probably knew too, but she was too polite to ever let B know what. Only her closest friends, family she chose, knew. And she wanted to keep it that way, another wall she put up.   
For his part, Johnny shook his head. “It’d be rude. Don’t wanna get on your bad side, but pretty sure you don’t have one.”  
V laughed and cringed at the same time. “Ooh that was...that was pretty cheesy. Did that work on girls in 2020?”  
“When you’re a fucking legend you don’t gotta out much work in.” He was smirking again, always so cocky...it was off putting at first. A testament to his larger than life ego, and the hubris that killed him. But now V found it somewhat charming. “Quit stalling V. What’s the name?”   
V had found his once upon a time, an old file on an even older machine. He looked pretty cute when he was younger, though V would never let him know that if she could help it.   
“Alright, Robert. Guess it’s only fair.” She smirked herself then, a remnant of him in her perhaps. Johnny groaned and leaned back on the roof of the car.   
“It’s Valentine.” V looked down at him, not really sure if he was looking at her through his shades.   
“Can see why you prefer V.” He wouldn’t meet her eyes, looking to the side instead. He would never say it, but she suited that name. She was so full of love for every single one of her friends, a fucking bleeding heart he would have said before he really got to know her.   
“Fuck you, you dick.” She huffed and hopped off the car.   
“Right back at ya, cunt.”   
They both smiled and Johnny sat up again while V wandered over to stand in front of him. “Come on, drove all the way out here, may as well finish the fucking movie.”

Sometimes it was easier for both of them to pretend there was a happy ending. One where they both closed this chapter of their lives, preferably separately. The rest of the night went easy, and V found herself actually enjoying herself for the first time in a long time. With Johnny it was easier, he already knew her more intimately than anyone in Night City. She didn’t have to hide anything, put on any acts, and why would she? He’d see right through it regardless. He was right when he said that she was the closest person to him, and she supposed in retrospect he was the same for her. A couple of months ago that would have made her stomach churn, but now she just felt a strange warmth when she thought about it. He was everything people said he was; rocker, womaniser, terrorist... But he was so much more now. He was an artist, like her. He was a dick but he was loyal to a fault, and he did nothing by halves even when that meant caring about someone. They laughed together, V cried and Johnny told her off for being too sensitive. It was a nice night, impending doom considered. Even Johnny had to admit to himself that it was the nicest date he’d been on, probably ever. For one, he was sober -as if he had a choice- but enjoying himself in V’s company nonetheless. And two, he didn’t have the desire to forget a second of it with pills or booze. Deep down he wished it didn’t have to end, but not at the expense of V’s life. 

“That was pretty good...” V said, as the credits began to roll. The final moments had been a pretty shit reminder of their current situation, albeit different in the sense the pair on screen were a couple. She fought back tears, but her voice hitched in her throat, giving her away. In the hour and half the film had been on, Johnny had put his arm back around her shoulders, and she noticed.   
“Nah, pile of utter crap.” V’s shoulder’s sunk in response. “Company was worth it though, even if you are an oversensitive cunt.” He nudged the merc playfully and she chuckled, rolled her eyes at him too. Not a bad save, if he said so himself.   
“Got any more requests?” V wiped her eyes with his jacket sleeve, she never took the damn thing off these days.   
“One. Want to check on Kerry.” Johnny looked straight ahead, as he usually did when something serious was bothering him.   
“Kerry Eurodyne? Say no more.” She jumped off the car and landed with a thud, Johnny just stared at her, more than a little shocked at how readily she accommodated his fucking memorial tour. “What...? You coming Rockerboy?”  
“Just like that? Means givin’ up control again.” Johnny waited for her to rethink this dumb plan, almost hoping she would in a way so he wouldn’t have to do the hard parts.   
“You and Kerry...Not gonna touch that, but I get it.” V searched his face some sort sort of hint then smiled to herself. “Don’t gotta do it alone Johnny. I’m not going anywhere.” Johnny laughed in response, but hopped off the car to join her. “Don’t got a fuckin’ choice V.”  
She rolled her eyes and started back to the car. “Wouldn’t even if I did.” 

Kerry’s mansion was in North Oak, a world away from the streets of Heywood V grew up in. She wanted to at least freshen up, but Johnny insisted she looked fine and Kerry wouldn’t care. She snuck past the guard bots, not wanting to raise any alarms nor break anything she couldn’t afford to replace. In the garage she saw a familiar sight, and cursed under her breath. “You gotta be fuckin’ kidding me...”   
“What?” Johnny phased into existence.   
“Had a job...Before you...And I had to klep that to settle a choom’s debt.” She gestured to the car.   
“Nice.” That’s my girl. He finished mentally as V moved on.   
Kerry was in the shower, alone thankfully, so they looked around for a bit before V took the pills. They looked at some old guitars Johnny recognised, some old Samurai albums. The place was a fucking time capsule, and Johnny ate up every relic of his shared past with Kerry. He didn’t have a bad word to say about the guy, honestly. It was refreshing. V noted the piano herself, and had a strange desire to just start playing. She quickly let Johnny take over, but she watched all the same. She didn’t have his will to project herself, or make her voice heard, but it was nice to be a passenger for a change. Kerry’s first reaction was to punch Johnny, hard. She’d feel that in the morning. Then, they talked like old friends. V left them to it, receding into the silent corners of her mind. She got bits every now and then...Samurai making a comeback one night only. She silently agreed to it, for both their sakes. Kerry seemed like a good guy, she decided. She’d help any way she could. Johnny told him all about Arasaka, herself, and Kerry for once didn’t want to hear it. He didn’t give a damn about their sob story, in the best way. In the coming days when V was trying to organise Samurai, she talked with Kerry often, and she was grateful that he treated them like to separate entities. 

The gig came around and V was more than happy to be a passenger for this one. Johnny was anxious as she walked into the bar. She looked the part too, still her but she wore his jacket. She waved to Kerry and the rest of the band, before she moved to the bar to have a quiet talk with Johnny. “Hey, can I get a double tequila with grenadine and lime? Thanks.” She looked at the empty space next to her, which Johnny soon filled. “Thought this was important to you, why are you wanting to back out? It’s not fuckin’ stage fright.”   
“It is important, just not more important than you.”   
V knocked the drink back in one, scrunching her face as she did so. “I’ll be fine, Johnny. It’s worth it.”   
She chatted to Nancy, Denny, and Kerry for a little before she excused herself to go to the bathroom. “Ready to thrash?” Johnny leaned on the wall of the stall as she took the pill, dreading how raw her throat would be in the morning. Johnny took over and the rest was history. Everything moved the way it had to, like V was really trying to be cooperative in their efforts. V got to watch the whole gig this time, through her own eyes. She loved the energy! If she could dance she would have. And Johnny... He was so at home on the stage, like he was born to do this. It didn’t take much imagining on her part to see why he was such a sex symbol, for men and women alike. It was a night she’d remember for the rest of her life. 

They chatted after, on the way home. V expressed how surprised she was, how much she wanted to see it for real one of these days or wished she had in the past. “Christ, if you’d been at a show fifty years ago...” He trailed off not wanting to finish that sentence. He hadn’t really ever considered what life would have been like if he met V before he died the first time round, though Kerry had brought it up when Johnny talked about her. “You’d what?”   
“Heh...Wouldn’t have let you leave.” V laughed and Johnny smiled. “Not without sayin’ something.”   
“Woulda turned you down flat.” V grinned, turning on the radio to her favourite station.  
“Not like that. Know you would. Just like to think I would have known then I’d have been better knowing you than not.”   
“You...fucking gonk.” V smiled and kept driving home. Every now and then Johnny just had a way of absolutely disarming her. It kept her on her toes, and she liked it. When they got home she immediately started sketching; the gig, Johnny, Kerry, the rest of the band. But not there were lyrics dotted across the page as well, not Samurai lyrics either, but something she couldn’t put a tune to. 

Kerry contacted her for a job a few days later, and she took it happily. She didn’t want the eddies, though he insisted on her regular fee. Took her for coffee too. Needless to say they became fast friends. She helped him work through some shit, move on from Johnny and his Samurai days properly. Johnny was understandably grateful, and more than a little impressed when the pair sunk a yacht. Seamurai...deserved to sink for fuck sake. Johnny made a mental note that Kerry was yet another person in Night City V had touched, and how they came out better for it. Of all the skulls he could have woken up in, he was damn happy it was V’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will round out the first “arc” and then it’ll be a little hiatus whilst I continue writing. Shouldn’t be long!


	5. Violent delights and violent ends

The plan was simple. V and the Aldecaldos would hit the bottom of ‘Saka tower using a millitech drill then plug in Alt and work their way to the Mikoshi Access point they learned about from Hanako. Meanwhile, Rogue and a small team would hit Arasaka from above, taking the elevator to the mainframe where Nix would comb through the data for any clone related info. Then they’d meet up, separate V from Johnny, and transfer his construct to a new, undamaged Relic. Granted there was a lot that could go wrong, and plenty of variables that Rogue reminded them of constantly. They’d called on every last one of their shared contacts, and it weighed heavy on Vs heart that more than a few of them wouldn’t make it back alive. Johnny -and everyone else for that matter- had told her that she couldn’t save everyone, that they knew and accepted the risk. V always said that that didn’t matter. That she had to try to get everyone out regardless. 

After a long day of planning with the Aldecaldos, V settled into a cot in an empty tent. She tried sleeping, but the combination of stress, fear, and the pain of the relic wouldn’t allow it. “Should get some air, clear your head before tomorrow.” Johnny spoke as he glitched into view at the end of the bed.  
“Yeah...” V winced as she got up, feeling a familiar sharp pain in her chest. As she always did, she gritted her teeth and pushed through it. Making her way to the makeshift dresser.  
“Don’t think that’s ever goin’ away.” He was right, it probably wasn’t but at least V would have a reminder, as if the bullet around her neck wasn’t enough. She didn’t respond as she ran her fingers through her hair, and started for the ledge Panam once showed her. Despite his usual penchant for pushing her buttons, he stayed strangely quiet as he walked alongside her to the ledge.  
They sat side by side, and V leaned back to take in the unpolluted night sky.  
“Beautiful view. Not bad for my last night on Earth.” Johnny too leaned back on his elbows, waiting for V to admonish him. But she didn’t. Was she angry with him? Maybe she was just tired, and lacked any energy to fight back. 

A long moment passed before V spoke.  
“Beats the ceiling over my bed...Jackie an’ me, we used to say we’d leave Night City, never did of course. Too much to keep us there, friends, family.” Johnny nodded along, he had felt the same a long time ago but had stayed for reasons he didn’t even want to think about. A war on Arasaka that he fought to the death, and one that cost him everything. For all their differences, and there were many, they had a surprising number of things in common. Granted, V could work on loosening up and listening to better music, but there were worst people to be stuck with.  
“Brought a boy out here once. Not here-here. But similar.” V smiled, for a moment, but her expression quickly morphed into disgust. Johnny let himself see what she was thinking about, just this once. 

*In her memories, V was younger, not quite a kid but not much older. She was with a boy, plain next to her by all accounts. But she smiling and giggling. Until a car pulled up behind them. Johnny felt a flash of terror as V looked at the car. Palms he didn’t have got clammy with sweat as V panicked. A vaguely familiar man stepped out the car, he was big. Built like a brick shithouse. He strode up to V and loomed over her for a second. The words were muffled but tears started streaming down V’s face. She tried to talk back, as she would these days. She even spit at his feet. But the man grabbed her by the hair and threw her towards the car. She looked back at the boy, begging him to help her, but he was getting ready to fuck off. Typical, Johnny thought. No good punk. He would have stepped in, even at that age. What happened to V next didn’t bear repeating, and even Johnny wished he’d never seen it.*

As he came back to the present he looked at V. She was older, of course, but her hair was still the same dirty blonde and her eyes were still the same vibrant green. She was the same girl deep down. “Christ V. Who was that fucker?”  
A single tear rolled down her cheek as she realised Johnny had just seen all of that... Parts of her she wanted, hoped, to keep hidden from him. He was about to speak before she interrupted, “My dad... He was friend’s with Jackie’s dad and I feel like that says enough about him.”  
“Jesus V...Hope you gave him what was coming to him.”  
She nodded and then he nodded in reply. “Good...” The word hung in the air for a moment. In weeks past, the silences that hung between them were never awkward, they were comfortable. Reassuring, since V knew Johnny would always pop back up again. Now she felt a surge of panic when he fell silent like she was missing something really important.  
“Gonna be wild having my head to myself again.” V chuckled, but it felt oddly hollow.  
“Not gettin’ rid of me that easily, if all goes to plan I’ll have a fresh new body to fuck around with.” He elbowed her and she flipped him off, smiling. It was as hollow a gesture as it could be. Miracles didn’t happen to people like him, he didn’t deserve it. Tomorrow would be the real test for the both of them, but for now they sat in silence, V watching the stars, Johnny occasionally sneaking a last look at V. V soon drifted off to sleep on the ledge, and Johnny quieted for the night. 

At some point after the sun crested over the distant Califnornia hills, Panam came looking for V, and found her on the ledge. “Come on V, wakey wakey. It’s time to go to war for that rockerboy of yours.” V woke up blurry eyed, and more tired than when she’d gone to sleep. The pain of the relic surged in her head and she coughed up yet more blood. Panam shot her a worried look, but she didn’t say anything. “Right...Let’s get to it...” V sighed as she headed down to the camp with Panam. She’d coordinate with Rogue over comms, the old merc was more than capable without a dying V by her side. As the plan stood, V and Panam were to pilot the freshly upgraded Basilisk, they’d hit the drill then proceed with Mitch and Saul into the belly of the beast.  
“Not a bad plan, for Nomads.” Johnny nodded along approvingly. “You good to go?” V nodded. “Alright then. Best take some of the blockers”  
“No.” V was firm in her words, sure the relic was doing its worst right now, but they were doing this together. “Not doing this without you Johnny. Need you to be there.” He smiled and clapped her on the back, his hand lingering on her bare skin a moment too long. “Together.” 

It was all going well. Too well. It was in the bag until Millitech called in reinforcements. The firefight was rough. Beyond rough. They lost Teddy to an AV drop, and nearly lost Mitch as they progressed into the complex. He insisted on going back to help the other vets, but piloting the Basilisk alone was suicide. For once, Saul and V were in agreement and Mitch raced off to help the family while the final three got into Arasaka. Johnny would pick up the slack in any way he could. V had never seen him so focussed, save for when he was on stage. He was no merc, wasn’t cut out for it, but he could have fooled her in that moment as he accompanied them into the facility.  
Rogue had breached the top of the tower at the same time, and now ‘Saka was fighting a war on two fronts. The coordinated attack scrambled any resistance in the lower levels, and forced security to divide and conquer. V, Johnny and their nomad backup managed to get Alt into the system, and she made the place eerily easy to navigate as they made their way to Mikoshi. His ex was fucking terrifying, but V was glad to have her on their side right now. One last surprise waited for them in the bowels of the beast. V, Saul, and Panam hoisted the metal door to Mikoshi open. Panam went first, thank god, as in that moment none other than Adam Smasher blasted his way into the hallway with them. She heard Panam cry out for Saul, since she was relatively safe on the other side of the door. Saul grunted as he picked himself up and charged Smasher, shotgun at the ready. V meanwhile, felt a surge of pure hatred and fury course through her. This was the bastard that killed Johnny, in the flesh...whatever was left of it. But she was frozen, reaching for the Malorian she had grown so accustomed to. “V! Fucking run! For fuck’s sake V!” Johnny pleaded, powerless to help.  
Smasher was too strong and easily absorbed the shotgun blasts as he picked up Saul and threw him to the floor. “Nomad scum.” He muttered as he crushed Saul’s head beneath his metallic foot. Blood sprayed everywhere, onto the walls, the door Panam was frantically opening, and onto V. The door shot up behind her and Panam witnessed the destruction, and let out a blood curdling scream. Smasher turned his gaze on her, and V wasn’t about to let anyone else die on this mission. She grabbed the Malorian and let the fury take her as she emptied a clip straight into Smasher’s chest. “PANAM RUN!”  
Panam didn’t need telling twice and began to sprint away. 

It was the fight of V’s life, but she eventually triumphed over Smasher. As he knelt before her, utterly destroyed, V almost felt some pity for the thing he became. But both entities were too angry for that to last. Johnny stood next to her, and she could feel his hand envelop hers around the trigger of his gun. She gripped the Malorian tight and aimed it right between Smasher’s eyes. “You killed someone real fucking important to me once upon a time. Bet you didn’t count on him gettin’ revenge.” She began.  
Smasher took a minute to catch on before him lips curled into a weak smile.  
“Johnny Silverhand sends his regards.” She finished squeezing the trigger and ending the monster once and for all. The merc let herself breathe for a moment, before progressing towards Mikoshi. Panam, thankfully, was nowhere to be seen. The pain from the relic came in waves, and there were times her vision went black. Johnny was there, helping her along slowly, urging her to take just one more step, that’d it would all go away soon. His voice was breaking, she could hear. But he wasn’t here for himself this time. The terminal sat ominously alone in the final room, it’s red glow filling V with a sense of dread. This was the end of the line, for at least one of them. She leaned on the cool glass as she pulled the jack from its resting place and inserted it into her neural port. 

The world fell away and she was soon back in the false reality of a past Arasaka Tower from Johnny’s memories. He waited for her to approach as he always did, and he turned as V tapped him on the shoulder. “We did it... We really made it.” She breathed a sigh of relief before letting her hand drop. He beamed back at her, guiding her forward with a gentle hand at her back. “Easy part’s over, gotta get Alt’s help now.”  
In a moment they were sitting at a table, Johnny with his feet up and V resting her head on her arm. Alt materialised in from of them both. “It was already done. Johnny Silverhand has been successfully disentangled from V.”  
Johnny smiled at the AI, “Thanks Alt.”  
“Do not thank me yet. There was one factor I did not account for in the process. The body has been irrevocably changed as a result of the presence of the relic and use of invasive medicines.” She remained expressionless as she spoke, a robotic air about her words.  
“The fuck does that mean Alt?” Johnny asked anxiously, sitting forward, his leg bobbing impatiently. V had no words left in her, falling at the last hurdle...That fucking sucked but it was always a possibility.  
“It is impossible to separate the two psyche’s wholly. One will always have echoes of the other. Shared memories, perhaps. Idiosyncrasies of the other.”  
V laughed and let out an exaggerated phew. “Is that all? That’s fine, that’s liveable.”  
Johnny turned to Alt, “Hey, give us a minute yeah? Need to talk to V.”  
Alt nodded in reply and walked off into nothingness. She was undoubtedly still present but the illusion of privacy was nice. “Guess you’ll never get rid of me for good.” The Rockerboy smiled as he moved to sit on the table, and V sat up to give his ass some room. “Guess I can live with that. Used to most of it by now, and you’re not so bad.” V shrugged and put her arms behind her head.  
“V. Thanks for everything. Want you to know that there’s no one whose head I’d rather be stuck in.” He smiled, not his usual sarcastic smile but a genuine, loving, smile. V shook her head. “You taught me a lot too Johnny. Gonna miss you if this all goes to shit.” She choked back tears. This was harder that she ever expected. It was like saying goodbye to her other half. Misty had once used the word soulmate, and V had laughed at the irony. It wasn’t until now she realised how accurate it was.  
He stood up and held a silver hand out to her. “Come on, time to wake up Samurai.”  
She took his hand and together they walked over to Alt, who was floating by a well of sorts. “This well will take you back to your body. I will make the rest of the preparations once you are cognisant in realspace.”  
V nodded and her gaze lingered on the well, with Johnny right beside her, their hands still entwined. V took a deep breath and looked sadly at Johnny. She really would miss him; his tough love, his biting sarcasm, how he let her loosen up and be just a little selfish. “Fuck..” He murmured and pulled V into a tight, frantic hug. She wrapped her arms around his waist, feeling the weight of his head on hers. He dwarfed her, she realised now. “Johnny,” His name caught in her throat and she couldn’t hold back her sobs any longer. He didn’t say anything, just curled her hair around his fingers. “Listen V, if...if this is it, gotta let you know something.” She leaned back to look him in the eyes, and she was pretty sure he’d be crying too if that was something they could do in cyberspace. “Changed my fucking life...I don’t know if Misty had the right idea ‘bout us, but damn I wish I’d met you before I died, wish we’d had more time together. Wish I coulda’ done this...” She pushed his hair back and let her hand linger on the back of his head. “Johnny... Fuck...I...” She didn’t have any more words, she could have rambled but what good would that have done? Anything she had to tell him, she’d tell him when she saw him again, one way or another. He released her slowly, and ushered her to the well, letting her lean on him while she stepped in. He smiled at her once again before wordlessly letting her down gently, his hand floating away from her. Goodbyes weren’t either of their styles, and there was too much they both wanted to say to each other. V was glad the last look she got on him was as he was smiling. 

The feeling of weightlessness swiftly faded as light flooded V’s vision. “V! V, wake up!” She heard a muffled voice calling as her vision faded back in. Panam had her in her arms, and barely let V sit up before the merc was encompassed in a tight hug. “Christ V I thought I’d lost you too!” Panam sobbed into her shoulder. But all V could think about was the quiet in her head. “Johnny? Johnny!” V spoke out loud, frantically hoping he still there despite Alt’s promises. She got no reply. Panam held her tighter as the tears came. 

Johnny Silverhand was gone.


	6. Stargazing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bonus chapter. Mikoshi is described as a void, but what if it wasn’t? What if you were just stuck with your own thoughts?

Bonus Chapter 

A black void was all that awaited Johnny as he was returned to Mikoshi. But that was alright with him. 

His second chance at life did not go wasted, after all. He made amends with so many people. Even made new friends; Panam and the Aldecaldos, Judy, even Jackie he considered a friend despite how little time he spent in his head. He’d take his time to reflect on the last few months. He’d enjoyed it truthfully, and looked back fondly on all the new memories he’d made with V. 

V... Valentine. 

In those few months with her, he’d changed so much. Mostly for the better. He wanted to tell her so much before she went back to her own body, but words didn’t do it justice. He wanted to tell her first how truly grateful he was for all the shit he put her through, with Rogue, Kerry and the rest of the band. How he was sorry for the time he tried to kill her, and take her body. Tell her it was okay. That even if he didn’t see her again she would always be a part of him. That he was content with his lot since it was more than he ever thought he deserved. 

He laughed, or wanted to. 

To think that after all this time he missed her. Really missed her. He wasn’t sure if data could experience heartbreak, but he was sure he did. A second chance at life was more than he deserved, but damn if this all went like they hoped he’d have a new fucking body. He shouldn’t let himself get his hopes but there wasn’t much else to do in the fathomless void.

He’d get to touch V, really touch her. Feel the calluses on her hands from where she held her gun, and the soft skin on her face. He’d get to feel all the scars she’d gotten in her stupid pursuit of freedom, scars he’d long since memorised, like the one over her eye that she hid with her hair. And her hair, he get to run his hands through it. Get tangled in it. Feel it tickling his nose... And he’d get to hear her sing along to his songs in the car, and he’d sing along with her. Maybe they’d sing on stage together, she did great when she played with Samurai after all. He’d teach her to play, to put her thoughts on paper. He missed her quiet singing...

He’d always said in the end it would be his life for hers. He was okay with that. Even tried to stop himself getting attached in the first place. But when it came to it, he wanted to stay. He wanted to be with her until they pried the chip out of her by force. Things he couldn’t want in Mikoshi, things he shouldn’t want anyway cause it would have killed her. The best he could hope for now was that V would go on to live a long happy life, eventually she’d forget about him, and that was alright. He’d always remember her. 

Mikoshi was a void, and he was alone again. He’d be here until the end of time of Saburo Arasaka had his time. Fuck that guy. He thought of how many more people were adrift with nothing but their own thoughts for company and it made him sick, and angry. He knew Alt wanted to destroy Mikoshi too, but they agreed to wait to see if Rogue and V’s plan panned out. She was still in the Arasaka system, ready to end it all. 

Mikohsi was good for one thing, Johnny could dream at least. 

—-

He closed his eyes and he was back in 2020, on stage with Samurai. ‘A Like Supreme’ blasted from the speakers. He looked into the crowd, it was like time had slowed down for him. His eyes settled on a small woman in the back, singing and dancing. She was familiar, her blonde hair, svelte body. She stood next to a guy at least twice her size, she was obviously close with him. Kerry and him exchanged looks and they both figured Johnny would be back late tonight. He watched her the whole night, and when the gig was over he slipped away. 

When he found her after the venue had all but cleared, she was sat at the bar with her choom. He slid onto the seat next to her and was almost immediately served a drink. “So you a Samurai fan?”   
She looked sidelong at him and set her empty glass down. “No...I come for the peace and quiet.” He smirked, and she looked satisfied with herself. Her choom next to her laughed and clapped her on the shoulder. “See you back at the Coyote, Chica! Ahí luego!” She smiled back at him and nodded, whilst the guy gave Johnny quick warning.   
“You’re outputs fucking protective.” He swirled his drink and gulped it down, knocking the glass on the bar.   
“Who? Jackie?! Not my output!” She recoiled, good, meant she was probably single. Didn’t matter if she was, so long as it wasn’t that guy punching him later. He smiled and waved over the bartender. “We’ll have two of whatever she’s havin’!” The guy behind the bar simply nodded and set to making the two drinks.   
“This how you get all your girls?” She didn’t look impressed but Johnny laughed, he enjoyed this little game they were playing whatever it was. “No, most of the time don’t need much more than the first line.” She laughed along with him. There was an easiness that came with talking to her, for whatever reason, she saw right through him. Most people didn’t give a rat’s dick, Kerry being the exception, and normally he’d have started drinking -at least- by now. He’d see where this went, and if it didn’t lead to motel then there were a hundred other girls he could. She picked up the glass as soon as it was set in front of her, and looked at Johnny. “To your first rejection then.” She raised the glass, a cheeky grin playing on her lips. He did the same, and clinked his glass against hers. She gulped the drink down, scrunching up her face as the liquor warmed her throat. Fuck...That was pretty cute. Johnny drank his, recoiling slightly at the sweetness of it. “What the fuck was that?” He looked into the glass disgusted.   
“Double tequila, with grenadine and lime. Jackie’s recipe...the gonk who gave you threatening looks.” She swayed slightly in her chair, and Johnny quickly realised the drinks were hitting her, he figured she didn’t have the same thought. “I should go... Know my limits, and that one might have been one too many. Thanks all the same. I’ll be sure to tell all my friends Johnny Silverhand bought little ‘ol me a drink.” Even now, as the alcohol was working its way into her system, she had a distinct sharpness in her voice. 

The mystery woman got up from the bar, taking a moment to steady herself. She turned to still sitting rocker and put her hands on her hips. At her full height she was maybe five-five, but damn did she make it look good. “Good talk, Rockerboy. Be seein’ you.” She turned on her heel, leaving him alone at the bar, glass in hand. It took all of five minutes before Kerry appeared, ready to mock him. “The great Johnny fucking Silverhand finally strikes out! Fuck me, I should get that girls number just to thank her for showing you you’re not almighty!” Kerry probably could as well...  
“So who the fuck was she?” Johnny shrugged, keeping his eyes on the exit, his leg bobbing anxiously. “Didn’t even get a name? Fuck...Better luck next time, man.” If there was anything that pissed him off more, nobody would tell you. He hated being ignored, and this chick -whoever she was- didn’t give a rat’s dick who he was. Wordlessly, he took his jacket from Kerry, pressing an empty glass into his hand instead. He stood up, throwing his jacket on and starting towards the door. Kerry shook his head, but shouted to his friend “At least get her name you gonk!” 

It was close to two in the morning as he crashed onto the streets of Night City. He looked left, then right, and thankfully saw a familiar silhouette cross into a barely lit alley. He jogged over, and was about to put his hand on her shoulder when she spun around and grabbed it. “Not one more fucking—- Christ!” Upon recognising him she let him go and immediately looked apologetic. “Fuck. I’m sorry, are you okay?”   
He rubbed his harm where she’d twisted it, this girl was more than she looked. “Yeah, I’m fine.” Before he could finish the final word two small hands connected with his chest and he stumbled a few steps backwards. “The fuck?!”   
“Don’t fucking sneak up on people you dick! Do you want to lose the other arm?!” She berated him, scolded him like a child.   
“Not a problem usually, cunt.” He bit back, but she was smiling. He lightened up, straightened himself up. “Thought you could use an escort, fucking pardon me for wanting to not see your dead ass on the screamsheets tomorrow!”   
She crossed her arms and half smiled. “Riiight, because your gentlemanly reputation precedes you Rockerboy.” She wasn’t buying what he was selling. “But fine. Walk me home?” He nodded once and they started to wherever the fuck she lived. 

For two strangers, there was an easiness to their interactions. “So you got a name, or you like being called cunt?” She rolled her eyes.   
“You...can call me V.” V? What the fuck sort of name was V? Then again, it wasn’t like parents ran around calling their kids Johnny Silverhand either... At least not in the eighties.   
“Not a name, but fine. V.” He felt a pang in his chest, and summarily ignored it.   
“Not got that privilege yet Rockerboy.” She shivered slightly as they crossed the river towards Japantown. He noticed they were heading through the city centre, and for a moment his opinion soured. “About to tell me you’re a fucking corpo cunt, V?”   
She shook her head. “Heywood born and raised. This is just the quickest way. Got a problem?”   
“Rather walk until sunrise than see that testament to corporate greed.”   
V shrugged, “Okay Rockerboy. Lead the way.” He looked surprised, but lead her towards the scenic route. One that took them along the edge of the city and would lead through Japantown. On the way they talked about all sorts of things, he learned she was an artist, was not in a gang, and she did in fact enjoy Samurai albeit casually. While she learned he drank a lot, fucked a lot, and hated Arasaka, a lot. In maybe twenty minutes, they were talking like old friends 

“Sounds like a pretty sad life, Johnny.” V stopped on the bridge and leaned on the railing, arms crossed. Her ass stuck out slightly and his eyes drifted over it.   
“You just don’t get it. Gonna change the fucking world one day.” He smirked, leaning with his back to the water, eyes still observing V’s tight butt in her skinny jeans.   
“Mhm, don’t doubt it. And what’re you going to do after?” Her question snapped him out of his reverie and he met her eyes. He took his glasses off so he could really look her in the eyes, and noticed how damn green they were. “Not exactly known for your long list of friends. Sounds like you’re countin’ on going down in a blaze o’ glory so you don’t gotta think about it.” She was right of course, and something about that pissed him off.   
“Yeah? What the fuck do you know, cunt?” V didn’t seem phased by his sudden aggression, much the same way Kerry learned to put up with it. She just shrugged and kicked a pebble into the river below, watching as the ripples distorted the reflection of the skyline. “Fuck all. Just got a feeling our demons would play well.” He thought for a moment, and V shivered. He sighed and slipped his jacket off, draping it over her shoulders as he turned around. She smiled and pulled the warm leather jacket tightly around her. He hated to admit it, but it looked right on her. “Come on, Rockerboy. I know a coffee shop near here. I’ll even buy, to pay you back for the drink earlier...And for almost breaking your arm.” She lead him down a series of winding paths to a small ~artisanal~ coffee shop. She woman behind the counter looked up and beamed at V as she walked in, skipping over to embrace her before walking back behind the counter.   
“Go ahead and grab a seat, I’ll go and order.” Johnny obliged and sat at a small table for two, his leg bobbing impatiently as V walked to the counter. He could hear the women chatting behind him, but couldn’t exactly make out what they were saying. He plucked his phone out of his pants and texted Kerry. 

Johnny: Found the girl. Name’s V.   
Ker: Not a name, but preem.   
Johnny: Something different about this one Ker.  
Ker: You say that all the time, don’t be late tomorrow.  
Johnny: Mean it this time. Cunt nearly broke my fucking arm!  
Ker: Christ Johnny. What happened next?  
Johnny: Went for a walk, gave her my jacket, getting coffee now.  
Ker: Fuck. I’m sure the rest of the guys will perform at the wedding if you ask nicely.   
Johnny: Fuck you. 

V put two coffees on the table and sat opposite Johnny, popping the lid off hers and pouring in a copious amount sugar. “Fuck V...Just do cocaine like the rest of us.” She stifled a laugh and he popped the lid off his own coffee, surprised to see it was just black. “You psychic on top of all the other shit?”  
“Nah, but you’re a cheesy bastard so figured you’d say somethin’ like ‘Black, like my soul’” She did her best impression of him and needless to say, it was shit. But she was pretty dead on. He shrugged and took a drink. Apparently tonight was full of surprises, the coffee wasn’t bad. They sat in a comfortable semi-silence, broken only by Johnny drumming his metallic fingers on the table. V had as many walls up as he did, but she was right. Their demons would play well together... Fuck he even liked the way she looked at him and didn’t treat him any different from some choom she’d known for years. He wasn’t Johnny Silverhand; night city legend in this tiny coffee shop. If he had one fucking night with this woman, he’d make the damn best of it.   
“Got somewhere I wanna take you.” He didn’t look at her as she settled back into his jacket.   
“Gonna tell me where, or just fucking kidnap me and see what happens?” Her eyes narrowed, and he could tell she didn’t quite trust him yet.   
“Nice spot, outside of town though so we’d need to grab my car. Back the way we came unfortunately.” She didn’t answer right away, not that he could blame her seeing as they had known each other all of an hour. He sounded like a kidnapper to himself.   
“Sure.” He raised his eyebrows and she shrugged in response. “Wasn’t planning on sleeping in my own bed tonight anyway. Got a friend I can crash with, or call for backup worst comes to worst. Gotta swing by my place first though, so meet me there?”   
“Why? Your input gonna be missing you?” He was already getting his phone back out to type in her number.   
“My cat, gonkbrain.” She reached for the phone and typed her own number in before he could even ask. Then she took the liberty of texting herself to get his. She was almost as smooth as he was when she wanted to be. Almost. “There.”   
“V...” Johnny began but he let the thought go before it could ruin this for him.   
“Johnny?” The way she said his name made a pain flare near his heart, like it was a promise of something he could never have but wanted anyway even if if meant getting hurt. “Fuck...Just get home safe. Okay? I’ll see you in about an hour.” 

They parted ways and Johnny retrieved his car from behind the venue. He waited, impatient as ever, for her to message him. She didn’t, and he started tapping the wheel of his porsche. It had been well over an hour before his phone buzzed on the dashboard. He picked it up, trying to act nonchalant -for all it was worth in the empty parking lot- but a wave of relief washed over him when he saw V’s name on the screen.   
V: Home safe, here’s the address: XXXXXXXXXX. Parking is to the right, take the elevator up if you want.

It didn’t take him long to find the apartment and he was soon knocking on V’s door. V opened and wasn’t standing in the doorway, she was also wearing more sensible clothes for a late night excursion with a stranger and Johnny had no doubt in his mind she had a few tricks up her sleeve and an iron hidden underneath his jacket. Her heels were swapped for combat boots, and her crop top for an old t-shirt. Somehow she still looked gorgeous in his eyes. “Make yourself at home. I’ll be two minutes.” She shouted, walking into an adjacent room. Johnny took some time to sprawl out on the sofa, and have a look around. It was pretty bare bones, but much nicer than his pad, or the numerous motels he’d stayed in. He noted the cat, seeing it eating from a recently filled bowl. Pretty and honest. A record player sat on the table next to him and he thumbed through the stack of records next to it, a little disappointed to see no Samurai or any of his solo work. V emerged a couple of minutes later, slipping a deadly looking knife into the side of her boot. And dangerous. “I was joking about the kidnapping y’know, and would it kill you to get some decent fucking music?” V tossed his jacket back to him, and he caught it with one hand. “Meaning yours?” He grinned and didn’t feel like giving the woman a proper answer. She smiled and tossed her hair over her shoulders, adjusting her own leather jacket. In Johnny’s head it didn’t look right on her. His did. 

V bade the cat farewell and left with Johnny, getting plenty of off colour looks from her neighbours. He felt this odd desire to speak up, defend her from any false accusations that she was his latest fling. He didn’t want that, or rather himself, tarnishing whatever reputation she had. She didn’t pay them any attention though, not making any small talk as they headed for the parking lot. 

Her eyes widened when she saw the Porsche sitting there. He smirked and stepped around to the driver’s side. “You gettin’ in, or do you need me to get the door for you?” V approached the car cautiously, her hand grazing the handle of the door. “V?” Johnny was surprised at the concern in his voice.   
“I’m fine. Just a headache.” She got into the car, and Johnny followed suit. She was bobbing her leg now, some anxious habit she didn’t notice she did. Without thinking, he reached over and put his hand on her knee, she calmed at his touch. Nobody did that.   
“Guess its one thing getting coffee with a rockstar and another getting in his car at two am.” She joked, looking out the window, avoiding him in the confines of the car.   
“Rockstar? So you do know who I am.” His shit-eating grin caught her eye and she laughed. “I don’t live under a rock Johnny. ‘Course I know who you are. Which makes this either an incredibly fucked up, sick joke between you and your buddies, or something else entirely, and I don’t fucking know which one I want it to be.” Her honesty was refreshing, and she deserved no less in return as they coasted to the city limits.   
“Kerry didn’t think I’d get this far. Practically cheered when you shot me down. Nance and Denny don’t give a rat’s dick where I put mine, and Henry’s not gonna remember last night. Let alone you. Not out to hurt you V, not on purpose. Promise.” V sighed and covered his hand with her own and squeezed it reassuringly, Johnny could feel his heart pound in his chest. “Thanks Johnny... Appreciate you bein’ honest with me. I’m sorry. Don’t mean to judge you before I even fucking know you.” Her smile softened, and she rolled the window down. Johnny liked the way her hair whipped around as he cruised down the highway. 

It wasn’t too long before they reached their destination. Johnny had taken V out into the desert, the badlands, surrounding Night City. Not so far that it was dangerous, just somewhere the sky was clear. They stepped out the car and V looked around, a wide smile spreading across her face. Johnny followed suit, watching her, and finding himself smiling right along with her. It’d been so long since he had a clear head, some good company, and just unwound. Despite their little time together, he felt this odd sense of peace whenever V was around. She didn’t seem like she had any expectations, even if she knew exactly who he was, and what he was capable of. He hoped, she didn’t give a damn. A voice in his head whispered that he shouldn’t let himself hope, that he’d fuck it up anyway, and she’d never be happy with a bastard like him. 

He waved her over to an outcropping and sat in the ledge, it was just big enough for the both of them but they had to huddle together a little. He didn’t mind. They gazed up at the stars together in comfortable silence, Johnny eventually just lying down next to the woman, hands behind his head. “Come out here to think sometimes. Clear air makes a nice change from the City where everything’s tryna kill you.”   
V made a mhm noise in agreement then added “Though they say nothing good happens after two am.” She looked back at the rockerboy, who briefly met her eyes.   
“Clearly no-one met you.” He immediately groaned and draped his arm over his eyes. “Fucking kill me...” V laughed and shifted his arm for him, though he kept his eyes closed. He felt the gentle caress of her hand on his cheek instead, leaning into it ever so slightly. He opened one eye ever so slightly, and saw her leaning over him a stupidly gentle smile on her face. He pulled her down and she let out a little yelp, his arms fit snug around her waist like she was made for him to hold. “Johnny...” It sounded like a warning, like they were about to cross a boundary they couldn’t come back from. He nuzzled her neck, toeing the line, testing her limits. “Say it again...”   
“Johnny...” She repeated in his ear. His lips grazed her neck and he felt her breath hitch in her throat. “V...”   
“Valentine.” She corrected gently. He smiled, and held her a little tighter.   
“Valentine. Perfect.” She sat up ever so slightly, so she could look him in the eye. She was smiling, inches from his face. “Johnny, what are you doing?” He didn’t answer right away, just tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, letting his hand linger there a moment longer than he probably should have. “Probably the best thing I’ve ever done in my fucking life.” He pulled her into a kiss, and at first she didn’t do anything, but after a few second she kissed him back. A stupid wave of relief washed over him, and he kissed gently down her neck. He could feel her heartbeat quicken, her breathing getting heavier. “Fuck...” 

V was the first to pull away, sitting upright breathing heavily. Her eyes closed hard, and her hands bunched up into tight fists. Johnny followed. What the fuck was he doing? He barely knew this woman and she...she’d completely mesmerised him. He was prepared to be angry, to tell her she could find her own way home, but he just felt regret. He shouldn’t have kissed her, he should have actually got to know her. “Valentine l...fuck...are you okay?”  
She swallowed hard, he saw, and wiped her eyes. “I’m sorry Johnny. I can’t...I want to. It’s just...really fucking complicated.”   
She shuffled so that her legs dangled freely over the side, and Johnny sat slightly behind her, placing a gentle hand on her arm. “What the fuck does that mean?” For the next few minutes she recounted the tale that ultimately Johnny wouldn’t give a damn about. “So yeah, guess I’m dyin’ and I really don’t want to fucking drag you down with me.”  
Johnny thought for a long moment before and then draped his arm over V’s shoulders. “That’s real fucked up but gotta tell you, this is the first night in a long fucking time I don’t want to just forget in the morning. Wouldn’t mind some more like that.”  
V smiled and leaned into him, he wrapped his arms around her in response.   
“You goin’ soft Rockerboy?” She teased, but kissed him on the cheek nonetheless   
“Fuck...guess I am.” 

The next few weeks passed in a blur, and V became a near constant presence in Johnny’s life. Kerry loved her, mostly because she made Johnny look even more love sick than he already was. And because she turned him down that first night, yeah he wasn’t living that down likely ever. They went up to the ridge often, just to get away from the noise of the city if nothing else. He and Kerry took her to their favourite coffee shop, and on more than one night out. Word got around of course, screamsheets speculated - as sometimes just outright lied - and he and V. They both laughed at the various names they came up with for her; Veronica, Valerie, Vanessa, Victoria... she enjoyed it and made it a running joke with him and the rest of their friends. It wasn’t all smooth running, they fought of course, and you’d be forgiven for thinking there was a deep resentment there when they did. There was a lot of love there too; days they were never apart for more than five minutes. Johnny taught her to play, and in exchange V agreed to keep up the bands social media with Nancy, becoming the official photographer for Samurai. Her pictures were the best, and everyone knew it, the world saw new sides to all the members of Samurai instead of just curated personas. Kerry probably appreciated it the most, and it did him a world of good. 

They were in the studio one day, all hungover from last nights celebrations. It had been probably a couple of months, Johnny found it hard to keep count. The rest of the band had gone to get lunch, and buckets of black coffee. Kerry stayed with V to go over some footage from their last concert. When he returned, he heard singing; a voice he was pretty damn sure wasn’t Kerry’s. He listened for a moment, letting himself enjoy the music someone else was making. 

“Just fucking sing V, for fucks sake. It don’t gotta be perfect.” Kerry urged her on, and Johnny heard the piano. It was different than anything Samurai had made, but that made sense. V started from the top, it was soft but so was she when she wanted to be.   
“How can someone stand so damn close  
And feel like they're worlds away?  
I can see your sad story eyes  
So how do you have no words to say?  
All I want is to fall in deeper  
Than I've ever been  
Why won't you let me?  
I can handle your heart, so help me  
Here you are, next to me  
So much beauty at my feet  
All I wanna do is swim  
But the waves keep crashin' in  
No, I'm not afraid to drown  
Take me out, take me down  
I'm so tired of the shore  
Let me in, baby  
You're an ocean beautiful and blue  
I wanna swim in you..” 

At some point Nancy, Denny, and Henry had joined him behind the door. All of them listening intently to V. “Fuck Johnny, she’s good.” Nancy praised and Johnny smirked. “Don’t think that was your teachin’, ‘Rockerboy’.” She groaned when Denny added V’s per name for him. They all filtered into the room; V was fiddling with some of her own equipment, and Kerry was playing a new riff on the sofa. “Didn’t know you sang V, than an original?” Nancy sat down next next to V on the sofa. “Uh yeah, but I don’t sing. Prefer my shower to a studio y’know?  
“But you’re happy to have your other art out there? Don’t make sense.” Kerry interjected, as he was want to do.   
“Sure, I’m behind the camera for that. And let’s be real, nobody gives a shit who V is outside of Samurai as long as I smile and look pretty.”  
Johnny walked over and kissed the top of V’s head, slipping a coffee into her hand and perching on the arm of the sofa. “Couldn’t be more wrong. I’m pretty sure Nancy, Kerry, and Denny all give two shits about you.”   
“Fuck you, dick.”   
“Right back at you, cunt.” They smiled at each other and Kerry made a gagging noise. V had to leave for some more work, and Johnny kissed her goodbye making her promise he’d see her later even though she had another concert to shoot. Fuck those K-pop pricks. He’d thought, wanting her all to himself. Turns out V liked their music anyway, and he’d called her a gonk. 

He met her later at a bar they had been to numerous times over the weeks, she was sat wearing his jacket, no doubt with her favourite drink in front of her. Johnny smirked and slid into the seat next to her. “So you a Samurai fan?” He grinned and she rolled her eyes.   
“Fuck me, Johnny Silverhand. Oh my god. Would you..would you sign my...fuck...my arm?” She played along and he pulled her arm towards him. He picked up a marker she had been using and drew a crude Johnny + V in a heart, calling her a cunt as he did so.   
“Johnny that’s permanent marker, you gonk.”   
“You love it V, don’t lie.” He couldn’t wipe that smirk off his face if he tried.   
“Of course I fucking love it...” V packed her work stuff up and finished her drink.   
“Come on Samurai, let’s go home.” 

Back V’s apartment Johnny had sprawled out on the sofa, whilst V had gone for a shower. He’d never officially moved in, but this was home and he’d slowly accumulated more stuff. His guitars stood against the window, his clothes fell out the laundry basket, his toothbrush sat next to V’s in the bathroom. He hadn’t felt so at home in a long time. She came out wrapped in nothing but a towel, her wear hair stuck to the back of her neck, and Johnny smiled when he saw his ‘tattoo’ was still in place. “Think you’d get inked after all?”   
“With this? Sure.” She dried off, not bothering to cover up after ditching the towel in the laundry basket. She slipped on one of his tank tops, it barely covering her nipples, and some gym shorts. She was gorgeous while she was working, any gonk -even Kerry- could see that, but only he got to see her like this, and that was yet one more thing he could add to list of things he loved about the woman sat next to him. He pulled her onto his lap, kissing her neck gently. She giggled moved so he was kissing her lips instead. “Changed my life Valentine...” he murmured, pressing his forehead to hers. “Can’t imagine it without you now. Don’t want to. Don’t wanna mess this up -what we have.” Her hand pulled him into another long kiss, gentle as ever. She’d never make him say it, and he knew that she knew how much he cared about her. But not saying it suddenly felt wrong. He buried his face in the crook of her neck, planting small kisses along her collarbone, V’s arms enveloped him in a hug. “I know Johnny. I—-ah fuck!” He sat up as V clutched her head with both hands. She quickly began coughing and excused herself to the bathroom. Johnny followed when the coughing stopped, leaning in the door as V washed the blood off her hands. “It’s getting worse Valentine.”   
“I’ll be fine.” She scrubbed harder, not meeting his eyes.   
“Bullshit!” His fist connected with the door frame, and V turned to him tears forming in her eyes.  
“Yes it’s getting worse. Is that what you want to hear? Well Johnny?”  
“You fucking know it isn’t.”  
V pushed past him and he grabbed her arm, his metal hand squeezing a bit too tight. “Fuck, I’m sorry.” He let her go and she stood a few feet away. Eventually she sighed and stopped rubbing the red mask on her arm.   
“I don’t want to fight, not now. Brain’s turning to goop in my skull and I just want to spend whatever time I have left enjoying myself.”   
Johnny clenched his fist, if he could he would have torn the world apart to help V. But as it stood, he was helpless, which only served to piss him off more. V continued, “Almost ended it straight away, figured if I was going to die I might as well have done it on my own terms. But a choom of mine convinced me to go to a fucking Samurai concert of all things.” She laughed, but she was wiping away tears.   
“Then, wouldn’t you know it? Johnny fucking Silverhand buys me a drink, and he’s a corny gonk, with a gorgeous smile and these sad brown eyes I just wanna keep looking at.”   
Johnny closed the distance between them and held her close. “Forgot the chiseled abs and impressive cock.”   
She laughed and nodded, relaxing a little. “That too.”  
“And a couple of months later you’re still here, and still putting up with my shit.” He entwined his fingers with hers.   
“Because I love you...” The words hit him like a train, even tears welled up in his eyes -which he quickly blinked away- and he held her for a long time. How ducking long has he waited for someone to say those words and mean them? 

They slept soundly that night after more than exhausting themselves. Johnny had woken up early, but he couldn’t remember why, a nightmare probably. In days gone he’d have drowned it out with noise and pills, but it he just He’d climbed over V and scratched Nibbles behind the ear for a moment, but he wasn’t interested. Instead Nibbles licked and nudged V’s hand as she slept. Something felt off. Usually V would have woken up, or at least she would have woken Johnny up to placate Nibbles. Johnny clicked the light on. For a moment, everything was as it should be, but then he saw the blood. He ripped the covers off V, and tried to shake her awake. “V! Valentine! Wake up Valentine...Don’t do this to me.” her eyes slowly. “Johnny...” He scooped her up and carried her into the bathroom, setting her next to the sink. “Fucking hell Valentine. You scared the shit out of me.” She started to clean herself up, and Johnny went to change the sheets. He was so riled up he practically ripped them off the bed. 

“Johnny!” He heard a crash and V was on the floor again, clutching her head. The blood wasn’t stopping this time. Johnny took a knee in front of her and pulled her hands away from her head. They were both shaking, and there was an unspoken agreement this was the end of the road. Johnny carried her to the bed, where he let V rest her head on his shoulder. He didn’t care about the blood, didn’t care that he’d have to clean up eventually, he just had to be there for her. She was getting colder by the second. “Johnny, listen...” he tried to shush her, told her to save her strength, that it would be okay. “No Johnny. Just fucking listen.” V shuffled so she was sitting opposite him and cupped his face in her hands. “You gotta promise me something okay, Rockerboy? Grieve, mourn, whatever... But for god sake Johnny, please don’t spiral.” He jumped to his own defence. “I’m not...I won’t...”   
“Johnny.” Her voice was firm But she was so weak now.   
“Fuck V...I guess for you I’d try.”   
She kissed his forehead and he pulled her into a hug, picking up her arm to kiss his little temporary tattoo. “I love you, Johnny Silverhand.” The morning after he would feel like hell, she’d be gone and he couldn’t even muster the courage to tell her that he loved her back, that he loved her more than anything and he wanted to keep loving her for a long fucking time. 

——

Fuck his own mind was cruel, and he had the rest of time to spend in it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not editing this one! 
> 
> This was absolutely self-indulgent and pretty OOC for both V and Johnny but I really wanted to write a 2020 AU where Johnny meets V. Ahhhhhh glad I got that one out of my system. Part two is in the works, and will have softness, smut, and angst.


	7. At the Beginning

Mikoshi was a prison, and time passed differently there. Johnny had no idea if it had been five minutes, or another fifty years and V had forgotten all about him. A part of him wanted her to. All of a sudden, faint light spilled into his prison, and he heard a muffled voice. “Johnny...wake up Rockerboy...” He felt gentle hands comb through his hair, caress his cheek, and settle on his neck. It sounded like...like V! He fought with his own body to open his eyes; it was like waking up from a night of heavy drinking. He felt sluggish, and like he was going to puke, his head pounded, but this wasn’t a normal headache. His vision cleared at last, and he was staring up into familiar green eyes. “V,” he breathed, and she began to cry.  
“Hey Rockerboy...” He pulled her into himself gently. He felt her soft skin, now slick with sweat, and he could faintly smell her shampoo on her hair. She felt so tiny now that he was corporeal. They pressed their foreheads together, each of them afraid to make the next move for fear the other would disappear entirely. 

“Come on V, let’s get you and your freshly resurrected twunk out of here.” Panam’s voice echoed. Neither of had even noticed the door opening. Johnny flipped the nomad off behind V’s back whilst V chuckled. “Yeah yeah, just get your asses in gear.” V relented and got off the medical chair first to the tune of Johnny groaning at her for making him move. Once V was on her feet she retrieved a duffel bag and handed it to him, telling him scrubs weren’t his style with a smirk he was sure he’d seen before, and a wink he definitely hadn’t. He nodded in agreement and began to change, while Panam and V both scrambled out of the room to give him a semblance of privacy, not that he’d ever cared for such things. 

Outside V leaned against the wall, while Panam filled the rest of their small army in. It all suddenly felt too real, too visceral, and the first they had almost done was cross a boundary they had silently set in the months prior. V needed to get her bearings, think of their -her- next steps. “You okay V?” Panam rested a hand on her shoulder and squeezed lightly. V smiled weakly and ran her hand through her hair. “Yeah, I’m good. Just...Just didn’t think we’d get this far honestly.”  
“Hey, we’re not out of the woods yet. Still gotta get back to the camp, lay low for a couple of days, and celebrate our victory.” Her final words hung in the air, sure they had triumphed all in all, but at what cost? The Aldecaldos lost a great leader, and a great friend. Rogue’s team hadn’t taken any casualties but they just as easily could have. V would carry this guilt with her for a long time, this she knew. When Johnny joined them, they greeted him like an old friend, even Rogue was relieved to see him breathing though she also threatened to send him right back where he came from if he pulled half the crap he did back in the day this time around. The fight was long, but they all soon found their rhythm. V and Johnny fell into sync as easily as they did before their separation, and it was a sight to behold. Arasaka could never have been prepared for their assault, even if they had all the prep time in the world. Alt wreaked havoc in their systems, aiding them whilst dismantling all that she could.

Sawn was breaking as they returned to the Aldecaldo camp, two separate transports to minimise the amount of shit that hit the fan if Arasaka pursued them. They didn’t thankfully. V had ridden with Panam and the Aldecaldos, whilst Johnny went with Rogue. “You know Johnny...” Rogue began in an odd, mothery, tone. “What? Gonna tell me how much you missed me?” His smugness hadn’t changed and he leaned out the window of the truck, relishing the feel of the cool wind.  
“No you smug bastard. Gonna tell you every opportunity has a shelf life, and if you don’t say somethin’ to V some other bastard will.” Rogue cleaned her gun, but gave the rocker a pointed look that made him swallow hard. “She’s the best goddamn merc in the city, gets shit done well and cleans up hers and every other souls messes. Her heart’s never been in it though.” Johnny thought back to the V he’d dreamed up, she wasn’t a merc and could still kick hiss ass. Had he even dreamed it up, or was that version of her something he’d seen and just forgot about? Rogue was usually right about these things, though he was loathe to admit it.  
“Don’t want to fuck this up Rogue. Not like I did with Alt, or you.” She just laughed in response as they pulled into the camp.  
“Exactly why you wont, Johnny.”  
The car stopped and everyone piled out, Johnny looked around at the camp he’d seen so many times, searching for V. She was already being welcomed back a triumphant hero, as she well deserved. Her months of work had payed off and she was standing there, alive and almost entirely herself. He saw some familiar faces; Judy and a doll from Clouds, the veterans amongst the Aldecaldos, Dakota, Mama Welles and Pepe from the Coyote... He even saw River, which he wasn’t too happy about. So many of the lives V had touched. Even Rogue hugged her. That was pretty weird. He wandered over, his hand finding the small of V’s back making her jump slightly.  
“So it’s decided then, we’ll get some sleep whilst every prepares for the party tonight.” Panam announced to the gathered crowd.  
“I’ll make my chili, it’s my mija’s favourite after all.” Mama Welles pinched V’s cheek and the merc recoiled instinctively.  
“Excellent! I’m starving already, but for now we all need to lick our wounds. Mitch! You’re coming with me to the doc after that stunt you pulled.”  
“Yes, Ma’am.” They marched off, and soon every began to filter into their own parts of the camp, leaving V and Johnny to their own devices.  
“Come on, you can bunk with me until we sort things out.” She yawned and started walking to her tent, her hand finding Johnny’s and pulling him along. It felt strange to have to physically drag him anywhere, but there was a nice normalcy in it too. On the other hand, Johnny wasn’t tired, not by a long shot, but he’d let V drag him anywhere if it got him out of sight of prying eyes for a little while. 

“Can’t believe that bitch called me a twunk.” Johnny huffed as they walked to V’s tent, she chuckled and shrugged.  
“Twink and hunk. She’s not far wrong.” She dropped his hand and flopped indignantly onto the cot bed, while Johnny sat on the end as he always had. Some things never change. “No way, not a chance.” He protested.  
“Johnny. I’m telling you this as a friend,” V laid on her back and draped her arm over her eyes, blocking out the light. “You’re a twunk, you shake your ass when you walk, probably a bottom too.” He flipped her off wordlessly, and despite not being in her head anymore she returned it.  
“Gotta say, feels good to just fucking breathe. Got this fucking pit in my stomach though, like somethings wrong.” He got up and started pacing. V sighed and made room on the bed.  
“Johnny, sit down please. You’re giving me another headache.” He did so, and held his head in his hands. V sat up slightly behind him, and rubbed his non-cybernetic shoulder gently. He sighed and eased slightly. “What on your mind?”  
“Had a dream in Mikoshi...” He began, gingerly, “you died V... Right in my fucking arms.” He couldn’t look at her, and for a long while she didn’t say anything. “Johnny, I’m not going anywhere. Alt said I was-“  
“What if she was was wrong?” He snapped, and immediately regretted it. V sighed to herself; truthfully she didn’t know what to say. How can you battle someone else’s mind. She figured she was fine, even if she did have a constant dull headache. There was little point in arguing with him, he was a stubborn bastard at the best of times.  
“I’ll go get checked by Vik tomorrow. Let’s just enjoy tonight first, okay?” He nodded once before turning to her. “Get some sleep. You look like shit.” She nodded and lay back down, closing her eyes. Johnny threw a thin blanket over her and stepped outside into the sun.  
“Johnny!” A small girl bounded over to him...Judy. “Is V okay? Didn’t get a chance to see her earlier in all the chaos.”  
“She’s fine. Sound asleep though, so unless you hate having hands I wouldn’t disturb her.” Judy chuckled and sucked her breath in through her teeth.  
“Yeah she’s a monster in the mornings. Remember from after that dive. So you two huh? Not surprised there. Got a feeling River’s not gonna be happy, but he’s a big boy.”  
“V an’ me are just friends.” Judy gave him a look, the type of look that says we both know you’re lying but since neither of us are are going to say it then whatever.  
“Got a request if you’re not too busy scrollin’ porn or whatever. Wanna do something to thank V and got an idea while I was stuck in her head.”  
“Alright, I’m listening. Not makin’ any promises though.”  
Johnny relayed his request to Judy whilst V slept soundly, perhaps for the first time in months. For once there was no urgent need to move, to do something, to go do this job for X. It was nice, the peace. However long it lasted she planned to revel in it. She’d worry about her next steps tomorrow. While she slept Johnny spent the day getting reacquainted with being a living, breathing, human being, even signing a few autographs along the way. He forgot how much he’d missed life; the taste of a cold beer, the feel of the sun on his face, the feel of a real cigarette between his fingers and the smoke in his lungs. He’d drop in on Kerry in person at some point, wishing him well in person felt right after all the shit he went through with V. 

V emerged from her tent having had a well deserved nap, and cold shower. Somewhere she could hear the faint strumming of a guitar, and she smiled. River cleared his throat next to her, breaking her silent reverie. This was a conversation she’d been putting off for a long time, but now she had no more excuses, and nowhere to run. “V...Hey...” He began reaching for her arm but deciding against it, playing it off like he had an itch. For once he wasn’t wearing his heavy jacket, and he looked pretty good in the evening light. “River. How’re things?” She tried to smile, and look natural.  
“Panam told me everything V. Why the fuck didn’t you say anything? We could have figured something out. I could have helped!” Okay, V thought. Guess we’re doing this here.  
“What the fuck was I meant to say River? “I like you, but I have this angsty, sarcastic rockerboy stuck in my head, no not like that, literally. It’s sort of killing me.” Firstly, who the fuck would believe that? Second, you have Randy and the rest of the kids to worry about! Bringin’ a dyin’ woman home isn’t exactly stability!” V raised her voice, her peace utterly obliterated at this point.  
“That smug bastard was killing you from inside you own head?” Walking forwards River rolled his shoulders and cracked his knuckles, fully ready to kill the recently resurrected Johnny Silverhand once he found him. But V wasn’t about to let that happen. She stepped in front of River, who easily towered at least a foot over her.  
“Hey! if not for him I’d be dead several times over!”  
“Is that why he never leaves your fucking side? You don’t owe that prick anything V.” His voice softened and he put his hand on her small shoulders.  
“You’re right River. I don’t owe Johnny a damn thing at this point. But you know what else?” She met his eyes, her voice was shaky and raw, but she’d rarely looked so damn fierce.  
“What?” He reached up to touch her cheek and she moved away from it, brushing both his hands aside.  
“Don’t know when...or even how...But we became real good friends. So reel in the fucking testosterone.” River sighed and they stood in silence for a moment.  
“Fine. Have it your way V. But if he...” V clapped him on the shoulder.  
“I know River. Thanks. Chooms then?” They nodded and River walked off. 

V closed her eyes and sat on a container. She rubbed her temples and groaned, whatever headache she’d had was back no thanks to River. She should have had a conversation like that with him a long time ago, and it wasn’t fair to leave him hanging for so long. She groaned again, feeling especially shitty.  
“Ay Mija...” V looked up to see Mama Welles carrying a huge pot of her chilli and immediately jumped up to take it off her. “Thank you V, now why don’t you tell me what’s bothering you while you carry it?” V smiled and off they went. She relayed to Mama Welles her conversation with River, and her confusion about Johnny.  
“I see. So you’re stuck between these two men and you want to know what to do.” V nodded sheepishly; nobody ever made her feel like she was sixteen again except for Mama Welles. “I had a choice like this once. A stable home, roof over my head, food on my table, or a big risk that might not have worked out for me. You know what my choice led to Mija. You need to follow your heart. And I’ve seen the way that boy looks at you.” V set the pot of chilli on the table and looked over to Johnny who was plucking at a guitar for the first time in fifty years. “Si, that one.” Mama Welles was right, and like it or not her and Johnny needed to at least talk about what was going to happen. But that could happen later, for now V distracted herself with helping people set up. 

Night fell and the festivities were well underway. They all danced, sung, and toasted to their fallen comrades. Johnny performed for them all, much to V’s surprise, though it was a much more relaxed and short set since he had no backup; V pointedly refusing to sing even when they both knew she knew the song. A few drinks later, V was a lot more relaxed, and ended up singing anyway, with Panam no less. It felt like years of tension melted away that night, and they were all just friends having a good time. At some point in the night, Johnny and V had slipped away to a familiar ledge. Johnny sprawled out and looked up at the stars with his own eyes, whilst V leaned backwards on her hands.  
“Not a bad first night then?” She turned to looked down at the rocker who smirked back.  
“Could be better.” He shrugged and V rolled her eyes. All in all, they had summarised, things weren’t going to be much different. They were still very much themselves, and if you didn’t dwell on it too much you’d think they were just very close. It was Johnny who made the first move; sitting up briefly to pull V into his arms, almost on top of him. His arms fit perfectly in the small of her back and she propped herself up on his chest to look at him.  
“We can’t keep going on like this Johnny.” V’s voice was small, and thinking back she never seemed scared even with a gun to her head. Johnny brushed some of V’s hair behind her ear, letting him see those eyes he missed so much in Mikoshi. He thought once again about his dream, how good life could be for him, how much it killed him to lose her. “Yeah...” In one swift move, he rolled them both over so now he loomed over V, searching her eyes for any sign she didn’t want this. He found none. He tried for a long moment to just will himself to kiss the woman beneath him. Normally, he wouldn’t have thought twice. He stood up and punched a nearby large rock in frustration, cursing under his breath. There was nothing stopping him now, and he still couldn’t take that step. V sat up and took a deep breath, composing herself for the sake of them both. V eventually joined him at the rock, leaning against it as nonchalantly as she could, taking his hand and squeezing it reassuringly. “V...” She didn’t say a word, instead she stood on her toes, wrapping her arms around his neck, and kissing his cheek. “Kiss me Johnny.” The world slipped away and Johnny pushed her against the rock, then pressed his lips to hers. Finally all those unspoken words bubbled to the surface, and V pulled him into her feeling every muscle in his body tense as it connected with her. His hands explored her body, starting from her arms, and grazing across her breasts before settling on her waist. Eventually they parted, but Johnny held V exactly where she was. “Can’t say how many times I’ve thought about that. Fuck...V...” His breath felt hot on her neck and his beard tickled ever so slightly. “Johnny... You sure you want to do this?” Johnny lifted his head to look at his little merc, and kissed her again, feeling her smile as he did. They returned to the camp shortly after. “Fucking finally!” Panam shouted as they walked in, Johnny’s arm wrapped lazily around V’s waist. They both flipped her off in tandem and she made a gagging noise in return. River scoffed and stared daggers at the rockerboy for the rest of the night, which he largely ignored but he made sure he never missed the chance to kiss V in front of the cop. V rolled her eyes, but asked Johnny to stop; he called it revenge for making him fuck a cop.

The Aldecaldos partied pretty hard, but V had to excuse herself to get some sleep in a real bed, on a real mattress, a couple of hours before dawn. “Johnny please, I need sleep...” He followed her to the parked car, his Porsche. “I know, but you’re a fucking hot mess right now. So let me drive.” She tossed him the keys and he seated her in the passenger side before getting behind the wheel. It felt strange, but only because he had seen V in this same place so many times. Driving came as naturally in this life as it ever had, and he easily got them home in one piece. V had woken up by the time he pulled into the multi-storey and parked in V’s usual spot. “Not bad, you’re a pretty good driver. Feels weird not driving your ass around though.” V got out the car, and called the elevator whilst Johnny locked up. “Feels fucking great to me.”

There was a familiar comfort in V’s small apartment too, a place he’d been to so many times in Vs head that it felt a little like his home too. “Welcome home Johnny.” V leaned in the doorframe and watched him take it all in. In normal circumstances she would have run for the hills at the thought of moving in with a guy, but this just felt right. In retrospect, Johnny had moved in a long time ago. He turned on his heel and picked V up, carrying her over to the bed, kissing every part of her his lips could reach along the way. She giggled as his beard tickled her, and wrapped her legs around his hips. He laid her on the bed, his body covering hers. She was a vision beneath him, and he could have stayed like that forever, but he wanted more and the way she pulled him closer, writhing sensually beneath, told him she wanted the same. 

It was messy, angry, desperate, and when all was said and done it was perfect. They lied together tangled in the sheets, Johnny’s fingers drumming a melody on V’s naked thigh. “Still think I’m a bottom?”  
V shook her head, biting her lower lip. “Heh...Clearly not.” He pulled her arm over gently and kissed the tattoo he’d gotten, V smiled and played idly with his long black hair.  
“Christ... and to think I wanted you dead a few months ago. Like to think a small part of me always knew though. Just didn’t wanna admit it.” He leaned into her hand and smiled softly.  
“Admit what?” She teased.  
“Really gonna make me say it?” V shook her head, she knew. They both knew. And as much as she wanted to hear him say those words, it didn’t matter in the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried so hard to write the smut! I really did! 
> 
> Maybe in the next fic?
> 
> I’m also thinking of expanding the Mikoshi chapter into a full 2020 AU fic, so lemme know if that’s something you want to read?


End file.
